Many children these days face difficulties to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the causes of this situation? What could be the possible solutions?

It has been pointed out that it is quite tough for a vast majority of young students to focus on their
school
studying
Replace the word
studies
show examples
nowadays. Personally, I am of the opinion that
this
appalling situation is a result of the increasing number of temptations, and several methods would be
done
Verb problem
used
show examples
to deal with
this
issue. First of all, with the development of technology and the thriving of entertainment facilities in each city, pupils are able to take part in more attractive and intriguing activities after
school
hours. As these activities are stimulating, young people may immerse themselves in a fascinating environment for a long period, which impairs their concentration towards their
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
For instance
, there are countless intriguing
TV
shows popping up in front of
school
learners. If they spend a great deal of free time watching
TV
, they will encounter several
hurtles
Correct your spelling
hurdles
show examples
to absorb themselves from the program.
As a result
, when they sit in the classroom, they are still thinking about plots or characters of
TV
programs,
thus
young students are less likely to focus on what they are taught in classes.
Furthermore
, parents should make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
to help their children tackle
this
matter. As an illustration, parents are able to control the time when their sons and daughters are allowed to watch
TV
or browse the internet.
Besides
, young children should learn how to restrict their surrounding temptations
such
as intriguing shows and their friends’ invitations to hang out. In conclusion,
although
people may vary in their opinions about the reason why
concentrations
Fix the agreement mistake
concentration
show examples
on
school
learning
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
getting lower and the means of
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
show examples
with
this
issue, I consider that the prosperous modern temptations are the main reason, and parents and children should cooperate to treat
this
matter.
Submitted by strawberry.guan on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically into the next. One way to do this is by using linking words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
While the essay provides a complete response to the prompt, further elaboration on the solutions and causes could improve the depth of the response. Additionally, including more diverse examples would add to the comprehensiveness.
logical structure
The essay is clearly structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This aids in maintaining a logical flow of ideas.
relevant specific examples
The essay offers relevant examples, such as the impact of technology and entertainment on children's concentration, which strengthens the argument.
complete response
The writer addresses both causes and solutions, which demonstrates a complete response to the task prompt.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological distractions
  • overloaded curriculum
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • sleep deprivation
  • learning disorders
  • stress and anxiety
  • implementation
  • reform
  • promote
  • policy
  • adequate
  • specialized support
  • resources
  • mindfulness
  • meditation
  • time management
  • screen time
  • cognitive function
  • attention span
  • memory retention
  • consistent sleep schedule
  • extracurricular activities
  • academic expectations
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