IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons of this problem and how can it be solved?

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In today's world, it is clearly seen that
people
Use synonyms
 have migrated from the countryside to urban cities with certain purposes in mind.
This
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 becomes problematic for both farming provinces and modern towns.
This
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 essay will analyse the main reasons involved and offer some practical solutions to the problems caused by the shift of
people
Use synonyms
. There are numerous noticeable reasons behind the increasing number of villagers migrating from their home villages.
Firstly
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, urban cities provide
people
Use synonyms
 with more job opportunities and higher salaries than rural regions because investors are often fond of doing their business in populated areas.
For example
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, for employers in Phnom Penh, a workforce is strongly required in construction, factory and service facilities. Beyond
this
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, students from the countryside, usually pursue their studies in the city
as a result
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 of a lack of schools, universities, teachers, professors or even level of qualifications.
for instance
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, Cambodia, despite being a well-developed country, some of its provinces don't have sufficient institutions for their students to study , ultimately forcing them to leave home and go to the city to continue their studies.
However
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, there are some practical and effective solutions that we can take to combat the problem caused by migration. To start with, the government should make more employment available to rural
people
Use synonyms
 by having more investors put their funds into developing rural regions and by constructing more manufacturing factories in the countryside. On top of that, the government should
also
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 build more schools and university facilities, equipped with sufficient materials and demand knowledgeable individuals to help form students in agricultural areas.
To conclude
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, job opportunities and education pursue are the two important reasons for migration. If the solutions discussed in
this
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 essay are put into practice. I firmly believe that the problem caused by the movement of
people
Use synonyms
 from agricultural areas to urban towns will be greatly reduced.

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coherence and cohesion
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through your main points.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could be more effectively integrated. Consider explaining how the examples support your points in greater detail.
coherence and cohesion
In some places, the wording could be clearer. For example, rephrase 'students from the countryside, usually pursue their studies in the city' to 'students from rural areas typically pursue their education in urban centers.'
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to punctuation and grammatical accuracy, such as capitalizing the beginning of sentences and ensuring correct sentence structure (e.g., 'for instance' should start with a capital letter).
task achievement
Your essay presents a good overview of the problem and solutions, clearly indicating your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of specific examples helps to illustrate your points effectively, making your argument more persuasive and relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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