IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think the government should focus on improving the economy of the country. Other people think that the government should focus on social services such as health and education programs. Which statement do you agree with? Explain and provide examples to support your opinion.

#people #government #focus #economy #country #services #health #education #programs #support
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A fair amount of people believe that the authority should concentrate more on increasing the wealth of the country while others reckon that the authority should implement more benefits to the society in terms of fitness and study programmes. In my opinion, I utterly support the notion that the authority should provide additional support related to fitness and career-oriented courses. To embark on with my justification, there are many
schools
Use synonyms
 in the world where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fitness training programmes are not mandatory as part of their curriculum.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is no awareness in moulding the students about the health consequences.
For instance
Linking Words
, young children
tends
Change the verb form
tend
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 to eat more junk food items at the school cafeteria.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 get more profit
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 section department by selling delicious unhealthy snack.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should implement
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health awareness programmes in all
schools
Use synonyms
, colleges and strictly ban the unhealthy food items which are sold at
schools
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, certainly in many emerging countries, educational institutions are lagging behind, in providing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high standard of
education
Use synonyms
 to the children. The
government
Use synonyms
 is focusing on improvising the economy of the nation rather than services
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system. The funds provided to
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 sector is too
less
Correct quantifier usage
little
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 compared to others. The high quality of
education
Use synonyms
 will bring an array of benefits to the nation in future.
Thus
Linking Words
 the
government
Use synonyms
 should allocate funds to increase the
education
Use synonyms
 standards followed in their country. To conclude, the
government
Use synonyms
 should do extra services to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society's
education
Use synonyms
 and health. These are the key aspects which in return will increase the economy of the nation.
Submitted by amuthabecse on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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