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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think that happiness relies upon the individual while others think it is affected by other factors. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #happiness #factors
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Happiness
Use synonyms
 is an ultimate sense of self-satisfactory and there are disputes over factors that affect it. Some people argue that an individual himself is the only
one
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
responsible for his
happiness
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,
however
Linking Words
, they have opponents who claim that it depends on other means.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both points of view and argue in favour of the
first
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. On the
one
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 hand, no
one
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 is born perfect and people manage their lives on their own.
In other words
Linking Words
, they choose what to occupy in childhood , they instil in themselves a passion towards a certain sphere of education
such
Linking Words
 as math or economics, they take care of the community to integrate into.
As a result
Linking Words
 , a person is a master of his own destiny which ends up being either happy or else.
For example
Linking Words
 , we can observe many famous and successful persons who allegedly were excluded from education and still managed to accomplish their goals as they knew well their ambitions and never gave up.
Thus
Linking Words
 ,regardless of events occurring throughout
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 any can succeed if to polarise themselves in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, external factors should not be overlooked as something unspectacular might happen ,
therefore
Linking Words
 , causing immense damage to
one
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's dream.Final exams at universities are a clear example of the idea because they can be checked wrong or the organisation may concede cheatings on it resulting in a rating downgrade ,
thus
Linking Words
 ,dwindling all efforts exerted to nothing. So ,
happiness
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 might depend on a single aspect ,and if
this
Linking Words
 comes in the most decisive moment of
one
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's life ,the individual himself will be the
last
Linking Words
one
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 to blame. In my opinion,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
personal management of life can omit external factors because , as background stories of most famous people suggest , being firm on the way to
happiness
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 helps to overcome all difficulties. To sum up, I personally believe that
everyone
Replace the word
every one
show examples
account
Replace the word
accountable
show examples
 for their fates and whether they will be happy or not, and no circumstances can ruin
one
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's
happiness
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jugramhashw.balance on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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