IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that if old people spend time and get along with others and exercise everyday they will become fit. However, nowadays old people are usually alone and do not talk to others which make them unhapppy and unfit. Causes and solutions?

#people #time #exercise #unhapppy
A school of thought insists that senior citizens become healthy by interacting with
people
 and doing physical activities on regular basis; whereas, grey-haired
people
 mostly spend their time alone only these days, which makes them miserable and unhealthy. The feeling of burden on their family members and generation
gap
 can be held accountable for the same. The reasons
besides
 the measures of mitigating them are discussed ahead. Most old-age denizens feel they are putting stress on their loved ones. Due to the hectic schedule of their
children
, they do not want to disturb them and put unnecessary stress on sharing their feelings.
Consequently
, they feel lonely, and eventually, it leads to depression and anxiety.
Furthermore
, there is a thought
gap
 between them and their grandchildren.
This
 is because they have lived with old traditions and rituals, whereas the offspring of their
children
 living in modern society and adapting western culture. Due to
this
 generation
gap
, there are usually conflicts regarding any aspect of the world and they feel hesitant to communicate with them.
However
, the same can be tackled if old age persons can be motivated to join some recreational clubs, where they can interact with different kinds of peers and spend time by doing some leisure activities. To exemplify, incidents of depressions of senior citizens in Australia would not have been reduced, if they did not join the yoga club.
In addition
 to
this
, not only parents should teach their
children
 the values of local culture, which can motivate them to share thoughts with their grandparents but
also
 grey-haired
people
 need to modify their principles. To recapitulate,
this
 essay has covered two aspects: causes of the loneliness of the aged
people
, which include their feeling about the unnecessary burden on their
children
 and differences in opinion; and its solutions, which consist of engaging aged denizens in time spare activities and by reducing the generation
gap
 between younger ones and old ones.
Submitted by gsingla730 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: