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Writing Samples
Band 6

The number of old people is increasing. Some think this will cause problems for countries while others believe old people still have value. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #think #countries #value
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Ageing is a natural process of life.
While
 some
people
 believe we should respect older ones and use their valuable experiences, others think they may impose a burden on society. Considering both points of view, I agree entirely with the first opinion, and we should be eternally grateful for having them around us.
To begin
 with, some
people
 argue that older adults have vast knowledge and experience which they obtain from all
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 years they have lived and worked. It is helpful for the youngster to solve issues that they face in daily life.
In other words
, elderly
people
 are great mentors, and they can consider all the consequences of the problems;
therefore
, younger ones could gain the advantage of their precious advice.
For instance
, younger managers could help those who retired to reach their goals and maintain the success of organizations.
On the other hand
, those who disclaim that oldsters bring several problems to countries point out the cost of welfare programs
imposing
Wrong verb form
imposed
show examples
 on society. Since retired individuals
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 work, they use the revenue of pension funds. In the same way, it will push up their costs.
Also
, the government should take care of senior
citizen's
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens'
show examples
 basic
necessitates
Correct your spelling
necessities
show examples
such
 as health care.
This
 definitely places heavy financial pressure on administrations and may decline
economic
Change preposition
in economic
show examples
 growth.
For example
, in the USA, a healthy couple retiring in 2019 will need close to $390,000 to cover healthcare expenses.
To conclude
, I agree entirely with the notion that older
people
 should not be considered as trouble to countries. The pros of the elderly outweigh the cons; surely, Society must use older persons
wide
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
skills and wisdom to encounter the increasing obstacles in the present world.
Submitted by Majid on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the main topic and your position on it. The conclusion should summarize the key points and reiterate your opinion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to further support your points and make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured essay with clear main points and supporting arguments.
task achievement
Strong arguments presented for both sides of the issue with a clear personal opinion at the end.
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