IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

criminality is groing among children and teenagers. Why is it growing and how should these criminals be treated?

#criminality #children #teenagers #criminals
In
this
 fastest growing era, masses are an enormous busy to earning money,
thus
, juvenile does not get family support all the
time
 ,
However
, nowadays criminal rates along with teenagers enhanced due to some elements. In
this
 essay, I will explain why
this
 increase rapidly and how should
parents
 and teachers treat
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 criminal offence. These days
parents
 have no
time
 for their children due to the hectic schedule of their work;
hence
, sometimes adolescents feel vulnerable and feels alone.
As a result
, teenagers spend significant
time
 on social media
such
 as Facebook and Instagram, and
also
 make friends online, whom they did not meet in the real life.
For instance
, one of the surveys in India reveals that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are 70% of teenagers spend tremendous
time
 on the internet and 50% crime rate increased after introducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social platforms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they do not know
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 nature of their online friends. On the other side, there is ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
imperative measures to treat their criminal offence.
Firstly
,
parents
 should spend more
time
 with their infants to check their academic progress and their friend list. Another, if minor make a mistake that stage father might be talking with them in a polite way to do not repeat that mistake
Moreover
, bonding plays a major role if
parents
 have friendly bonding with their child
then
 Juvenil share all the things with their
parents
 without hesitation, a mother should
also
 ask their teachers about behaviour in schools and their friends, To conclude,
although
 criminality rose nowadays in adolescents due to the internet and social media,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
parents
 could decline
this
 before it occurs by spending quality
time
 with their children and making stronger bonds with them.
Submitted by kajavadarapiyush786 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: