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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not have strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#countries #ages #people #drink #laws #policy
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Undoubtedly, it is a debatable argument whether nations should consider strict
rules
 for permitting
people
 to
drink
 or not.
while
 the arguments on both sides are valid, there is in my opinion, dedicating
rules
 and regulations for the mentioned assertion sounds justified. To commence with, It is highly argued by numerous groups of individuals that authorizing legal ages for drinking would be substantially significant. Youngsters who are under 18 years old may not be mature enough to distinguish between right and wrong.
Hence
, setting up
age
rules
 and regulations to obey would prevent them from facing detrimental consequences.
For instance
, the number of car accidents in regions where
age
 drinking
laws
 are tight is dramatically low.
Thus
, considering the legal
age
 at which citizens can
drink
 would be momentous. There is
also
 the flipside, where there are some hypotheses regarding the issue that not having
age
 drinking
laws
 could be a preferable strategy. A fundamental cause for
this
 is that society may resist
rules
. They assume
laws
 ban them from acting based on their own preferences,
nevertheless
, governments could run educational campaigns regarding the detrimental consequences of drinking at young ages to
further
 encourage
people
 not to
drink
 alcohol until a certain
age
,
however
, I do not agree with them.
To conclude
, the necessities
along with
 the attitudes and aptitudes connected to the topics clarified above demonstrate that drinking is an indispensable matter within distinct areas.
Although
people
 may vary in their points of view, establishing firm
laws
 regarding the legal drinking
age
 has numerous benefits
such
 as reducing car accidents.
Therefore
, everything can be recapitulated into the fact that the existence of a legal
age
 to permit
people
 to
drink
 is beneficial and I vehemently agree with
this
 view.
Submitted by maryam.niknamm on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, followed by explanations or examples that support it. While your essay presented a fair logic structure, some points were not fully developed with specific examples or clear explanations. To improve, make sure that each point you make is well-explained and supported by concrete evidence.
Task Achievement
Include a balanced discussion of both views with an explanation of the advantages and disadvantages of each. While you presented your opinion, which is good, it is important that you also explore counter-arguments in more depth to demonstrate a full understanding of the topic. This will not only show your ability to evaluate both sides of an argument, but it will also help to fulfill the task requirements more completely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
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