IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays, child labor has become a major concern. why it is so? What can be done to solve this problem?

#child #labor #concern
Child
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 refers to
adolscents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 working in factories at
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 small age which is a big issue these days.
This
 may happen due to
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of reasons which we will discuss in the essay and
also
, provide relevant solutions to decrease
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of problems.
Firstly
, inflation is the most important cause in some countries as people are not able to meet their necessary needs.
Thus
, all the family members have to work including adults,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 one person does not earn enough to feed
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
, most cases are seen in India, the reason is poverty where salaries are small and prices of the items are at peak.
Secondly
, there are some families like single mothers, disabled,
orphan
Fix the agreement mistake
orphans
show examples
 etc. who do not have any other way left
besides
 engaging their kids to work to shoulder the burden of the house. To resolve
this
 scenario, the one possible fix can be if the cost of education
cutt
Correct your spelling
cut
 off to half which is extremely high to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
.
Hence
, each student will get
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to get knowledge and achieve
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 goals they set.
Also
, a law needs to be implemented on the employers who take part in
such
 activities and should be punished. Enough funds should be given by the system to support poor people so, that youngsters can attend their schools rather than doing
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. More literate graduates will
adds
Change the verb form
add
show examples
 to the economic growth of the country. Overall, as stated above, working at
younger
Add an article
a younger
show examples
 age is not a choice but helplessness. There are various other actions that
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 can take to prevent young child crimes. Apart from that, the public must choose their authorities keeping in mind, the future of their children.
Submitted by kaursimrat455 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: