IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no special knowledge of the following topic. Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

#argument #case #reader #topic #childhood #diseases #vaccines #parents #law #immunise #children #individuals #right #support #arguments #evidence
Health
 is the most powerful wealth that anyone could have and should not be taken for granted. Some people argue that
children
's immunization on various kinds of
diseases
 must be made by
law
 while others believe that
parents
 have the sole responsibility in deciding whether or not their
children
 should get their immunization. In my opinion, I believe that all
children
 should be immunized and there must be a
law
 to support
this
.
Parents
 have the right to choose whether their
children
 will be vaccinated against childhood
diseases
 or not.
Parents
 have different fears when it comes to
health
 that includes immunizing their
children
 against various
diseases
.
This
 is because some
parents
 have a misconception about vaccination. To exemplify, in the early time's people believe that some vaccines have become the caused of autism disorder in
children
 because it contains thimerosal, a mercury-based preservative.
Hence
, individuals become misled by
this
 kind of information and making them refused to get their
children
 immunized.
Although
 it is the
parents
 right to decide regarding the
health
 of their
children
, there must be a
law
 that obliges guardians to get their
children
 immunized with diverse kinds of childhood
diseases
. Immunization used in
children
 to treat different ailments have already been well analyzed, studied and proven by
health
 expert in the past decades. In the US,
for instance
, only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 individuals are suffering from measles because
health
 organization ensured that
this
 vaccine
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 safe and must be given to
children
 to prevent transfers from other members of the family. Proper education and information dissemination will be tremendously helpful to make
parents
 be aware of the benefits of the vaccines.
Thus
, more and more
children
 will be immunized and be free from suffering. In conclusion, I concur that there must be a
law
 in where
parents
 will allow their
children
 to be vaccinated against childhood
diseases
 in order to prevent young individuals from acquiring
diseases
 that can make them suffer in the long run.
Submitted by Rachelle Rotcaf on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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