IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

. Write about the following topic: In some countries old people are highly valued and in other countries the young are considered to be more valuable. Discuss both view points and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

As technology develops, nothing remains untouched, and traditional values are no exception.
While
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 some place a high value on the wisdom of the old, others believe the young are much more important in the development of societies. From my perspective, the younger, the more growth. On the one hand, underestimating the importance of elderly people in guiding the young is not logical. They have been experiencing many challenging moments in their personal life, since they are really trustworthy for the new generation to follow their path, which not only benefits young individuals, but
also
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 makes society a better place to live.
For example
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, I always tend to receive wonderfully effective advice from my older sister because I am dead sure she can guide me in the best way.
On the other hand
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, there is a definite link between the youth and an advanced community. To clarify, young people are more likely to take risks and accept new ideas, which results in increasing the productivity of societies.
Moreover
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, they have a lot of digital knowledge.
This
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 plays a crucial role in broadening their horizons towards different topics and making some innovations.
For instance
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, some developed countries like the US and the UK invest a lot of money in the upbringing of children.
As a result
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, they are much more developed compared to their aged counterparts. In conclusion,
while
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 the previous generation is too important to be overlooked, the new generation goes a long way in the world of technology. In my view, if communities want to progress much more, they have to prioritise the young over the middle-aged people.

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task
Ask yourself: What is your main view? State it in the first paragraph and again in the end. Give two clear reasons with simple ideas to back it up.
coherence
Link ideas well. Use small joining words like and, but, so, also. Start a new idea in a new sentence or paragraph.
lexical
Use common words. Do not use hard or long phrases. Pick simple words for ideas like old people, young people, grow, change, help, safe.
grammar
Check grammar. Be careful with verb form, articles, and word order. Some phrases are not right, for example 'some place' should be 'some places'; 'dead sure' is informal.
content
The essay shows an idea of both sides and a view.
structure
There is an outline with four parts: intro, two body parts, conclusion.
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