IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members how to be good members of society. Others, however believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued by several individuals that teaching social rules for
children
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
 is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 beneficial effect in becoming a good representative of
society
Use synonyms
. Whereas, others claims
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach the same in order to a responsible person. I believe education from
school
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
, both plays
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 crucial role in being a good member of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will substantiate my opinion in the following paragraphs with relevant examples. On the one hand, it is considered that
parents
Use synonyms
 are the
first
Linking Words
 teachers in everyone's life. Because they teach us basic qualities including how to talk and respect others, which are the fundamental qualities of being a good member of
society
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can easily mould their
children
Use synonyms
's character and make them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in the community. As
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of the time with their
parents
Use synonyms
, they have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to teach them the social values which will help them in future in.
For example
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 who
supports
Change the verb form
support
show examples
 their kids
educating
Change preposition
by educating
show examples
 them with ethics and moral values
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can grow up as
a responsible adults
Correct the article-noun agreement
a responsible adult
responsible adults
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, being a
second
Linking Words
 home,
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 teaches
children
Use synonyms
 in several aspects which develop their attitude towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Teachers share stories to teach them in a way
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is easy to understand. After
parents
Use synonyms
,
school
Use synonyms
 is where
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it helps them to
interactive
Replace the word
interact
show examples
 with different people.
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, kids obey the
teachers
Change to a genitive case
teacher's
teachers'
show examples
 word and participate in social activities where they
are engage
Change the verb form
are engaging
are engaged
show examples
 with community members.
For instance
Linking Words
, some schools organise activities where they make
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
enact the basic social rules and responsibilities which they practise in their future. To sum up, considering both the views discussed above, I believe that teaching from both the
school
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
 are equally held responsible
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
's future in order to become a better
perosn
Correct your spelling
person
 in the community.
Submitted by shivanisampurna on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: