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Writing Samples
Band 5

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people
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One of the predominant
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 becoming lazy and not socialising is the use of television during their
Correct your spelling
free time
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free-time
Correct your spelling
free time
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. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is true and should be highlighted to reduce its detrimental results. Agreed, television is a great invention and provides
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of essential information through news channels and
also
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
plays
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pays
Correct your spelling
plays
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 an important role to help
people
Use synonyms
 to release their stress by watching comedy shows, dramas and movies.
However
Linking Words
, whenever anything is exceeded from its required intended use, it becomes problematic for humans. Due to
extensive
Correct article usage
the extensive
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 use of
televisions
Add a comma
,televisions
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people
Use synonyms
 forgot to socialise physically, which is very much important for human beings.
Additionally
Linking Words
, children are at more risk
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
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 elder
people
Use synonyms
 because if from
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 initial age they start sitting in front of
TV
Add an article
the TV
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instead
Linking Words
 of playing any physical sport, they will become lazy and there will be
risk
Add an article
a risk
the risk
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 that their mind and body will not develop as normal.
Therefore
Linking Words
, schools should have arrangements for the
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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 to take
active
Add an article
an active
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 part in physical activities and should promote their pupils by awarding them.
Offcourse
Correct your spelling
Of course
, adults are
also
Linking Words
 in danger and
that is
Linking Words
 the reason why many adults are facing health issues like obesity, sudden cardiac arrest and paralysis all around the world.
People
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to participate in physical activities rather
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
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 sitting at home. Government should arrange some sort of activities for the societies, where everyone will have equal opportunity to participate and get motivated. To conclude, it is very important for all age groups to have any type of physical activity to have a healthy
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and should not only
attached
Change the verb form
attach
be attached
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 to
television
Add an article
the television
a television
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.
Submitted by MK on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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