Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities. Other believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Childhood
is period where
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun children in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
children
enjoy the most while learning from their surroundings. Up until the age of even, a
child
's mind is flexible
enoung
Correct your spelling
enough

The word enoung is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

to grasp anything present to it
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter therefore. Consider adding the comma(s).

show examples
therefore
this
period is considered to be the most crucial among others. Some
people
advocate the
idea
that
children
of all ages should be aware of their responsibilities and focus on fulfilling them.
On the other hand
, some
people
believe that
childhood
is meant to be enjoyed and
instead
of just focusing on fulfilling their duties, a
child
should be allowed to enjoy
life
freely. Knowing your duties at
you
Change the pronoun
your

It appears that the personal pronoun you should be in the possessive form. Consider changing it.

show examples
work or in general day to day
life
and fulfilling them is an important skill to have in today's competitive world.
People
who are in support of making their
children
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
responsible
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings

It seems that being may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
in their early
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages

It seems that stage may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
of
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life

It seems that lives may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
want them to compete
them
Change preposition
with them

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
at the highest level and be ready for all the challenges. Being responsible will not only make the
children
more self-aware and help them to craft a better future for themselves.
Correct your spelling
They

The word The doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
The
Correct your spelling
They

The word The doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
will learn to be more
desciplined
Correct your spelling
disciplined

The word desciplined is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

and self-
relaint
Correct your spelling
reliant

The word relaint is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

and will perform every task efficiently.
For instance
, the famous personality Swami Vivekananda is a great proponent of living a disciplined
life
. From his
childhood
Add a comma
,childhood

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase From his childhood. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
he was focused and determined
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because

The word beacuse is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

he took charge of his responsibilities from
his
Change the word
a

The word his may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

show examples
young age.
Moreover
, a responsible
child
would be a gift to his parents in various aspects and would make their
lives
easier.
In contrast
, it is
also
important to focus on enjoying your
life
in your
childhood
and it is the period where a human being has the least amount of dependencies and
responsibilties
Correct your spelling
responsibilities

The word responsibilties is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

. No one
expect
Change the verb form
expects

It appears that the indefinite pronoun one does not agree with the verb expect in your sentence. Consider changing the form of the verb.

show examples
them to
effcient
Correct your spelling
efficient

The word effcient is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

in their tasks and hold
Correct your spelling
them

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
the
Correct your spelling
them

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility

The word responsible doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
for anything they do. The
idea
of letting
children
enjoy
the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

show examples
lives
to the fullest at their
nacent
Correct your spelling
nascent

The word nacent is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

stage is popular among
people
who discourage the
idea
of putting unnecessary pressure on their
children
. They believe in the
idea
of free will.
Correct your spelling
Overburdening

The word Over burdening seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
Over burdening
Correct your spelling
Overburdening

The word Over burdening seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
child
Correct article usage
a child

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
in his or her early stage of
life
could have
negative
Add an article
a negative

The noun phrase negative impact seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
impact on a
child
's mind. To conclude, both the
idealogies
Correct your spelling
ideologies

The word idealogies is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

have their pros and cons but one must maintain a balance between them while implementing
tyhem
Correct your spelling
them

The word tyhem is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

on their
children
.
Children
are a gift of
god
Change the capitalization
God

It appears that the word god may be a proper noun in this context. Consider capitalizing the word.

show examples
to
Correct your spelling
humankind

The word human kind seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind

The word human kind seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
. They neither should not be overwhelmed with unnecessary pressure nor should be set free enough to sabotage their
lives
Submitted by akshits030 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Improve your band scores without paying for expensive tutoring
Writing9 scans your text for all types of mistakes, from typos to sentence structure problems and beyond.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Turn your IELTS writing into band 7+
Get 60% discount and enjoy a quick and easy way to check IELTS Writing Task 1&2!