IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

There are more new towns being built nowadays it is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for individual to spend their free time to .what extent do you agree or disagree ...

#towns #parks #sports #facilities #centres #time
A matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue of developing towns should include
parks
 and gaming spots
instead
 of shopping malls to spend leisure time. I am
accord
Change preposition
in accord
show examples
 with the
first
 notion but shopping malls are equally essential for us.
On the other hand
,
parks
 and sports facilities play a vital role in the development of
people
.
First
 of all, all
parks
 are used by individuals for different purposes
such
 as morning
walk
Fix the agreement mistake
walks
show examples
, exercise and as a picnic spot. A good park must include plants and flowers and basic exercise
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
,
as a result
 of
this
people
 attract
toward
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
parks
 and spend most of their free time during
meeting
Add an article
a meeting
show examples
 with new
people
.
Additionally
, gaming facilities are including gyms and playgrounds, so for
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 and well-being of
society
Add a comma
,society
show examples
 it should be included in a new
built-town
Correct your spelling
built town
show examples
.
On the other hand
, to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things under one roof
people
 needs
shopping
Correct article usage
a shopping
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 or plazas as they are
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 essential part of the city.
Furthermore
, supermarkets include
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of shops at one point that
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of employment opportunities for job seekers due to
this residents
Change the determiner
this resident
these residents
show examples
 of the town and cities have ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
choices to select jobs.
For instance
, a recent survey
done
Add the auxiliary verb
was done
show examples
 by Queensland university that due to the advancement of shopping malls plenty of
people
 receiving jobs
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
show examples
 their desires.
Hence
, to
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 development of the city or to enrich the economy of
nations
Add a comma
,nations
show examples
 the population of following places needs
super stores
Correct your spelling
superstores
show examples
. To conclude,
although
parks
 and sports facilities are
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 to create a healthy environment, while needs of shopping hubs is a significant factor that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be addressed.
Submitted by avtarsekhon88 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: