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Band 3.5

Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
With an
increasing
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increasingly
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 social media platform and subsequent interactions to the news, a poor demonstration of celebrities being popular for their beauty and riches has been shown to pupils.
This
 essay agrees with the aforementioned statement and provides examples to support
this
 point of view
,
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apply
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 before the conclusion is reached. Many young people are influenced by the wealth of
influencer
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influencers
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 in spending on fashion
in
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at
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 unaffordable
price
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prices
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.
For example
, some high school students wear luxury clothes as well as their favourite
model
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models
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 without income.
Although
 some might save their daily pocket money to buy, there are many who purchase with the family income.
In
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As
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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, parents will
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lose
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loose
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lose
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 their
purse
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purses
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 just to satisfied their children.
In addition
, popularity without achievements of
influencer
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influencers
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 tends to decrease
ambition
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the ambition
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 of their followers. The examples of
actress
Add an article
the actress
an actress
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 who never performs well on screen but receiving air-time due to her angelic face have been shown to the media lately, which resulted in some scholars quitting university because it creates
scenario
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a scenario
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 that if their appearances are not in beauty standard, they will never succeed in life.
In
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As
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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, people will lack
motivation
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the motivation
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 to achieve their ambitions. In conclusion, teenagers frequently acquire bad influences from
wealthy
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a wealthy
the wealthy
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 lifestyle of
superstar
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superstars
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 and causing decremental
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apply
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in
Correct your spelling
inability
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ability
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the ability
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 to motivate themselves. Personally, I strongly agree that these negative impacts created by
popularity
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the popularity
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 of
famous
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a famous
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person
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people
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 are unpleasant cases for
adolescent
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adolescents
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.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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