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Writing Samples
Band 8

Fewer people visit shops to make their purchase. What are the advantage and disadvantage of this trend?

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E-commerce has become a beneficial factor for people these days. The trend of buying items by visiting retail stores is slowly diminishing with time. Some argue that shopping online is a very effective and easy method involving the least effort possible and ending up with a good product,
while
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 others believe that the traditional method of visiting shops to acquire products is the best way. In my opinion, both advantages and disadvantages have an equal impact on
this
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 particular trend.
To begin
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 with, traditionally individuals highly preferred to buy goods from stores.
This
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 is because they could examine the product by hand and perform a quality check on the product before buying it. Another important reason could be, that visiting a store regularly can benefit individuals with store perks. They can get multiple discounts on each purchase or they could be the first few to know about the latest items.
For example
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, an Indian multinational eyewear company called Lens Kart provides a wide range of spectacles to touch and feel and regular customers
also
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 receive emails and messages about the latest products and discounts offered by the company.
Although
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, disadvantages are equally impactful to
this
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 trend, shopping on an e-commerce platform has proven to be successful and effortless.
Firstly
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, the majority of people nowadays shop digitally to avoid the time and effort required to visit a retail store.
Secondly
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, companies have made it simple and effective for consumers to use their websites or apps to buy items and gain profit. Despite the fact that making sales has proven effective, they end up facing problems
such
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 as defective products being delivered to consumers.
For example
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, the majority of online shoppers face the issue of their purchase being defective once arrives, which in turn makes the user experience negative. In conclusion, visiting stores for shopping has an upper hand, yet people indulge in buying online, ignoring the disadvantages and primarily preferring e-commerce to save time and effort.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the disadvantages of online shopping to provide a more balanced view. For instance, you could mention the lack of personal interaction or the inconvenience of returns.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your points are clearly connected to the main topic. You may want to explicitly state how each point connects to the advantages or disadvantages of shopping online versus in-store.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, clearly outline the structure of your essay to guide the reader on what to expect. It helps them follow your reasoning more easily.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic. This balance is essential for a high score.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the mention of Lens Kart, effectively illustrate your points and add credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The overall language used is clear and easy to understand, which aids in communication of your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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