IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Most of world’s problems are caused by over population. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#world’s #population
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Some people argue that the surplus of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 is the reason for the majority of problems we are facing today. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to some
extend
Replace the word
extent
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, but I would argue that being overpopulated is the only cause. On the one hand, the explosion of the
population
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 does bring tremendous problems
such
Linking Words
 as pollution and the shortage of
resources
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the amount of waste produced by human activities is going out of control, resulting in enormous pollution to the environment. The quality of air is getting worse while forests that are helpful for
this
Linking Words
 are being replaced with cities or
farm lands
Correct your spelling
farmlands
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.
Secondly
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, in
countries
Use synonyms
 with
large
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a large
show examples
Use synonyms
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 and relatively less land, governments
also
Linking Words
decided
Add the particle
todecided
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 take advantage of
habitats
Correct article usage
the habitats
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 of wild animals for human benefits, causing the contradiction between mankind and
the
Change the article
apply
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nature.
Finally
Linking Words
, with the limitation of
resources
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,
such
Linking Words
 as petrol and oil, wars may
be arisen
Change to the active voice
arise
have arisen
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 in order to acquire more
resources
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the increasing
population
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 should not be blamed for all problems while there may be other fundamental factors. One issue we should not ignore is that in many
countries
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, what the governments are facing is
the
Correct article usage
an
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 insufficient workforce due to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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population
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. Canada,
for example
Linking Words
, is one of those
countries
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 that are frustrated with the lack of residents. Even
in
Change preposition
apply
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countries
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 like China,
whom
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is the most populous country in the world today, is confronted with the threats of lack of
labor
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labour
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 in rural areas, given that young people all move to cities in search of better education and working opportunities.
In other words
Linking Words
, what is behind the
population
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 explosion is usually the imbalance of development and
resources
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 between urban and suburb. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the growing
population
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 does contribute to many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 nowadays, I would say the essence of the issue is how governments establish
policy
Add an article
a policy
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 to allocate the
resources
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 to facilitate the reasonable distribution of
population
Use synonyms
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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