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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Most of world’s problems are caused by over population. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#world’s #population
Some people argue that the surplus of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is the reason for the majority of problems we are facing today. I agree with
this
 statement to some
extend
Replace the word
extent
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, but I would argue that being overpopulated is the only cause. On the one hand, the explosion of the
population
 does bring tremendous problems
such
 as pollution and the shortage of
resources
.
Firstly
, the amount of waste produced by human activities is going out of control, resulting in enormous pollution to the environment. The quality of air is getting worse while forests that are helpful for
this
 are being replaced with cities or
farm lands
Correct your spelling
farmlands
show examples
.
Secondly
, in
countries
 with
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 and relatively less land, governments
also
decided
Add the particle
todecided
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 take advantage of
habitats
Correct article usage
the habitats
show examples
 of wild animals for human benefits, causing the contradiction between mankind and
the
Change the article
apply
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nature.
Finally
, with the limitation of
resources
,
such
 as petrol and oil, wars may
be arisen
Change to the active voice
arise
have arisen
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 in order to acquire more
resources
.
On the other hand
, the increasing
population
 should not be blamed for all problems while there may be other fundamental factors. One issue we should not ignore is that in many
countries
, what the governments are facing is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 insufficient workforce due to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
population
. Canada,
for example
, is one of those
countries
 that are frustrated with the lack of residents. Even
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries
 like China,
whom
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is the most populous country in the world today, is confronted with the threats of lack of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 in rural areas, given that young people all move to cities in search of better education and working opportunities.
In other words
, what is behind the
population
 explosion is usually the imbalance of development and
resources
 between urban and suburb. In conclusion,
although
 the growing
population
 does contribute to many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 nowadays, I would say the essence of the issue is how governments establish
policy
Add an article
a policy
show examples
 to allocate the
resources
 to facilitate the reasonable distribution of
population
.
Submitted by 576579710 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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