IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some students work while studying. This often results in lack of time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#students #work #results #lack #time #education #pressure
Some
students
 find it interesting and are often encouraged to seek jobs or pursue part-time jobs while studying. Various reasons, including the family pressure, force many to go after paid jobs and they get pressurized and demotivated, which result in poor academic performance. Let us look into some of the causes and solutions to the issue.
Students
 belonging to a poorer and financially unstable family generally prefer to work and remain as a breadwinner to the family. Poverty and unemployment of
parents
, lack of a secondary income, bed-ridden or unwell family members suffering from chronic diseases are some of the reasons that force school pupils to opt to work as daily wages and perform similar low-paid works. In many under-developed and developing countries, social stigma like
child
labour
 prevails and disheartened bosses benefit from the earnings of school-going children who are considered to be
child
 labourers.
As a result
 of the forced
labour
,
students
 cannot efficiently utilize their study time.
Thus
,
students
 undergo a depressed and unhealthy mental state which can gradually deteriorate their physical well-being too. The concerning issue is a discussion topic during many
parents
 meetings and the majority of teachers have complained against it to the appropriate authorities. One of the possible solutions is to create awareness among the family members about the significance of education and career development.
Parents
 from low-income families should be convinced that graduated or highly educated
students
 receive extreme salaries compared to school dropouts and ungraduated
students
.
Hence
, more time should be spent doing academic activities to pass formal assessments and examinations conducted at schools.
Additionally
, the government should impose strict rules and regulations against
child
labour
 and related activities. In conclusion, reasons behind student work can include poverty, less wage of
parents
 and
child
labour
.
Finally
, creating awareness about the significance of education seems to be one of the best solutions that can help
students
 fully concentrate in studies.
Submitted by athira.m.mohan969 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: