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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than at secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

There is an ongoing debate regarding that, some scholars believe that it is beneficial for kids to start learning a distant
language
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 at a very young age
while
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 in primary
school
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 in lieu of learning it in the later years of
school
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 life. I believe that the benefits of studying a non-native
language
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 in the former year of
school
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 life prevail over its drawbacks which
this
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 essay will outline in detail.
To begin
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 with, nowadays, it is important for every individual to know about the different languages and it has been seen in the approach of primary schools that every child is learning some or the other country's
language
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. To explain, when a child is in the age of learning it is easy for them to grasp knowledge.
Moreover
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, they have focused on their studies and learn everything with a fresh mind.
As a result
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,
while
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 they are learning a different
language
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 they understand it very well
as well as
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 they pronounce it well, and get a good command of grammar.
For example
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, A recent survey was conducted in the
school
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 of Toronto, over 68 per cent of the students who attended the non-native
language
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 exam spoke like they were born in their culture are those who study different languages in their primary
school
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.
Thus
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, it is very important for the kids to learn a second
language
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 from the beginning of their
school
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.
On the other hand
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, after finishing the primary classes children come into the rat race of the world when they are in secondary
school
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.
Therefore
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, they start the competition to become a rank holder
instead
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 of learning and taking some other knowledge from the
school
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. They want to step into a world where people are just working but not collecting any knowledge. To explicate, secondary
school
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 children are not as focused as they were before in primary
school
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due to
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 the hectic schedule and tough courses.
Therefore
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, they are not interested in learning a new
language
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 and want to be a part of a different culture.
To conclude
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, the following factors that, learning a new
language
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 should be the best time to learn is in primary
school
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 as they have the ability to grasp so quickly about the
language
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.
However
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, for secondary
school
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 students, it is difficult to understand because of the busy life cycle.
Hence
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,
it is clear that
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 the upsides overshadow its downsides.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to stay focused on one clear idea per paragraph and connect them more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Use more examples to support your main points.
Task Achievement
Try to write a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points clearly.
Task Achievement
You presented clear opinions on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction gives a nice overview of what you will discuss.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
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