IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#computer #effects #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The development of technology
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 lead to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase in the number of
children
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 use of it.
Although
Linking Words
 there is an argument that spending most of the time on
Use synonyms
Add an article
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 can pose a detrimental impact on
children
Use synonyms
, I strongly believe that it is beneficial and no harmful to
children
Use synonyms
. I will thoroughly present my view in the following part.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it is undeniable that the merits of
computer
Use synonyms
 provide for
children
Use synonyms
 are really enormous. As
high-tech
Add an article
a high-tech
show examples
 tool,
Use synonyms
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 can bring an ideal education atmosphere for
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,they easily do some research about some particular things which are still mysterious
Moreover
Linking Words
,
childeren
Correct your spelling
children
 can find more intriguing videos on youtube or any kind of entertainment website which help them expand their own knowledge horizon in
this
Linking Words
 little world. In
addion
Correct your spelling
addition
, the variety of sources on the internet is
also
Linking Words
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 useful weapon for them
espcieally
Correct your spelling
especially
 for those who are eager to explore
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the unknown
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 planet. It is widely proved and accepted by both parents and teachers
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the negative effect of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 is something unavoidable. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Add an article
the children
show examples
 spend their time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
 games or watching movies on the internet which lead to some bad consequences
such
Linking Words
 as lose interest in
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
 and they can easily get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disease related
Add a hyphen
disease-related
show examples
 optical problems.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can
also
Linking Words
Replace the word
lose
show examples
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 their interaction and connection
within
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their family members, friends and some other close-knit relationships. Using
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 for many hours can
also
Linking Words
 affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both physical and mental issues which cause some negative repercussions in a long run. In conclusion, there are always both sides
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 every
problems
Change to a singular noun
problem
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 world and using
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 is not an unacceptance.
However
Linking Words
, from my view, I always believe that the merits of
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 its demerits.
Submitted by hieudang.jeff2108 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: