IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #choices
A matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue of enormous
choices
 available in
this
 hectic era in
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
, entertainment and communication sectors. I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
show examples
 with the given notion and will explain the logical standpoints in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Initially
, there are a plethora of
choices
 in each and every field due to the advancement of technology. In terms of education, these days students have ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
opportunities regarding their favourite subjects as well as education
provider
Change the noun form
providers
show examples
such
 as institutions and universities.
Moreover
, by clicking on the internet students can gather
bunch
Add an article
a bunch
show examples
 of knowledge regarding
available
Add an article
the available
show examples
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 and the faculty of their area of interest.
For instance
, most of the
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 are now interested in foreign degrees for better carrier opportunities or to enjoy the different
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
Additionally
, there are various entertainment sources available as compared to the previous years that include mobile phones, internet and
range
Correct article usage
a range
show examples
 of T.V. channels.
Similarly
, a person can spend his leisure time by the use of these sources to avoid loneliness.
For example
, in the
past
Add a comma
,past
show examples
 people have very few
choices
 to convey messages or send information to others
such
 as letters and telegraphs. Whereas, there are plenty of applications available in mobile devices to connect with others like Facebook, Whatsapp and many more audio and video application.
Furthermore
, people have
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
choices
 almost in each area to choose according to their desires. To conclude,
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 generation has a plethora of
choices
 as compared to the past generations, and everyone has a right to choose among them
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
show examples
 their specific needs and interests.
Submitted by avtarsekhon88 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
Look at other essays: