IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays parents are forcing their word to do part time jobs in their free time. Write advantage and disadvantages of this phenomenon

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At present, many parents are insisting their
children
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 do part-time jobs in their leisure time.
However
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,
this
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 is because of understanding the work culture and values of
money
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, whereas there is a chance of losing focus on studies.
This
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 essay will discuss both pros and cons in ensuing paragraphs. To commence,
firstly
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, the main advantage is that
children
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 get knowledge about work-culture, as they start from an early age.
This
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 is because parents are helping their
children
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 to understand their abilities. In
this
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 competitive world, most youngsters are lacking knowledge about
money
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, life struggles and work stress.
In addition
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 to that, doing part-time jobs gives enough idea to sustain in their
career
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 and it will
also
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 help them to understand the ups and downs in
career
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 growth.
For example
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, In Canada, many students will opt for part-time time jobs after they finish their high school education in order to pay for higher education.
Secondly
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, there are few drawbacks to doing
this
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 so, which may end up losing focus on studies. Though students are earning enough
money
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, they might end up losing interest in their studies and
also
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 get habituated to bad habits which will ruin their
career
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.
For Instance
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, a recent survey in France
,
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apply
show examples
 shows that some of the police cases were reported against teenagers, who were involved in any illegal activities,
such
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 as, consuming drugs and driving under influence. To sum up,
Although
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 there are few drawbacks involved in it, there are more benefits for
children
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 who take some extra precautions.
This
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 will help them to learn the importance of work-life and
money
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 will succeed in their
career
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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