IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problem. What are the problems that young people living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to these problems.

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Major cities nowadays expand rapidly in social and economic development. Many young
people
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 face various
problems
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 like insufficient
jobs
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 and unaffordable housing. Luckily, both the
employers
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 and the
government
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 can introduce some measures to tackle these
problems
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. These arguments will be explained as follows.

To begin
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 with, the high pace of
cities
Change the noun form
city
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 development leads to the concentration of high-tech
jobs
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 which results in
lacking
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a lack of
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job diversity. Since young
people
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 fall short of the job requirements, they cannot find their
jobs
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.
As a result
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, they are not able to support themselves with enough salary.
Secondly
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, the expensive housing rent
Add a missing verb
is attributes
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attributes
Replace the word
attributed
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 to the fast growth of downtown. The living environment rises as the development level of the place increases.
Thus
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, property developers
reject
Verb problem
refuse
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 to build the low standard of accommodations
such
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 as budget flats and houses that the employees can afford.
It is clear that
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 young
people
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 struggle with the difficulties of housing and job
vacancy
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vacancies
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. These
problems
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 can be solved by the
government
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 and
employers
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.
Firstly
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, the
government
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 can introduce a scheme of rental control so as to limit the rents.
For example
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, the authority can set up a proportion of rent
base
Wrong verb form
based
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 on their salary.
Consequently
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, the living conditions are protected by the mechanism.
Secondly
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,
employers
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 can offer
jobs
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 that require different necessities.
For instance
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, breaking down a single project into several tasks gives rise to the provision of more
jobs
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. Obviously, it can change the working situations. In conclusion, the
jobs
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 and housing
problems
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 of the young
people
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stems
Correct subject-verb agreement
stem
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 from the fast growth of the metropolis. By giving out a scheme and a project from the
government
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 and the
employers
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 respectively, these
problems
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 could be easily solved.

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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the problems faced by young people in major cities and the solutions. The conclusion should effectively summarize the main points and the solutions presented in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay effectively presents a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, use transitional phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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