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“School plays a more important role than the family in shaping one’s personality.”

#“school #role #one’s #personality
Some people argue that
school
 plays a more dominant role than family concerning one child's
personality
development
,
whereas
 others claim the contrary. Whether it is the
school
 that best promotes one child's self-
development
, or is it
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 that outdoes
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 in
this
 contribution?
Firstly
,
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 spending 8 hours per day at
school
 means greater chances of interacting with peers and teachers.
Furthermore
, social interaction with peers at
school
 provokes the
development
 of social skills, namely
such
 skills to co-operate and initiate conversations.
Consequently
, these skills encompass personal qualities which guide the growth of individual characteristics.
Secondly
, youngsters are exposed to a wealth of subjects that facilitate their multi-dimensional social understanding.
For instance
, science subjects support
children
 intellectually,
while
 social studies sustain their community engagement;
hence
, their
personality
development
 becomes increasingly elaborated and refined over time. Meanwhile, it is argued that
school
 is not as predominant as a family regarding
children
's
personality
development
. Virtually all
children
 in normal circumstances develop strong emotional attachments to their caregivers as parents or siblings. As Mahatma Grandi quoted: " There is no
school
 equal to a decent home, and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent."
Additionally
, the
school
 study environment is somewhat competitive
overburdened
Correct word choice
and overburdened
show examples
 with examinations, in which
children
 have to withstand considerable pressure;
therefore
, they have little time for
personality
development
. In some cases,
this
 may be detrimental to the
children
's mentality, foreshadowing later behavioural problems
such
 as externalizing disorders. On balance, both
school
 and family feature distinctively in shaping one's
personality
.
While
 I firmly believe that
school
 can foster
children
's
personality
development
 and their multi-dimensional whole self, a family can sustain
children
's secure attachment, and
above all
,
guarantees
Correct subject-verb agreement
guarantee
show examples
 them a sense of belonging.
Submitted by HongPhuc on

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task response
Ensure that your essay clearly addresses the prompt. Discuss the role of school and family in shaping one's personality in detail, providing balanced arguments for both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present. Make sure to maintain a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay, using linking words and cohesive devices to connect your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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