IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say the money spent by governments on space programmes would be appropriate. Others believe that it is better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #governments #space #programmes #services #schools #hospitals
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Governments maintain budgets for development programs. A few humans believe the
money
 expended by authorities on
space
 science would be suitable, but the opposition feels that it is more favourable to spend on important government
services
 namely educational institutes and medical centres. Investing
money
 in
space
 programs can be beneficial, yet it seems to me that disbursing
money
 on public
services
 is better for the long-term economy and humanity. On the
one
 hand, financial investment in terms of
space
 science is positive for various causes.
Firstly
, when
one
 goes into
space
,
one
 will face new situations which will provide fresh knowledge.
As a result
, new technology will be invented.
Secondly
, the world is becoming unlivable because of global warming, so a livable planet is needed for the survival of humans.
For example
, NASA has sent spaceships to Mars to find water so that human beings can live
one
 day.
On the other hand
, funding for public
services
 is helpful for some reasons.
To begin
 with, if governments invest in education, citizens will be educated which will increase employment.
As a result
, taxes will be paid, and it will boost the global economy.
Moreover
, when authorities invest in public
services
, the lives of people will be improved, and it will be good for humanity. A case in point- Qatar has been investing in public
services
,
consequently
, the people of Qatar are enjoying a good standard of living.
To conclude
, spending
money
 on
space
 programs can be excellent;
however
, I feel that providing
money
 on public
services
 is more beneficial for the economy and people in the future.
Submitted by anzuman.asha13 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear thesis and discusses both views effectively. You provided a balanced analysis, which contributes positively to task achievement. To enhance your response, you could provide more specific examples or data to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph follows logically from the one before it. Using transition phrases and words like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition' can help improve the flow even more.
task achievement
While discussing space exploration, you mentioned the potential for new technology and finding habitable planets. For public services, consider providing more detailed reasons and specific examples. This can strengthen your arguments and make your essay more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up the discussion well. The conclusion succinctly wraps up your argument, reiterating your main point effectively.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay makes it easy to follow your ideas. Each paragraph has a clear main idea which is developed and supported, demonstrating strong coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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