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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

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One group of
people
Use synonyms
 has an opinion that competition should be promoted as a way to increase children’s ability
while
Linking Words
 there are others who think that it’s better to avoid competing and make teamwork.  On the one hand, competition during school time and at work can provide opportunities to increase the development of student's independent learning abilities. Students who are compared with their classmates can have more passion and enthusiasm to be productive among others.
For example
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, fast-growing Asian countries
such
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 as China and South Korea showed that constantly competing  in large population conditions makes them achieve more than other countries. 
On the other hand
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, fighting with each other may increase many harmful issues
such
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 as jealousy,
destroying
Correct word choice
and destroying
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 friendships and families. Every person has their own strengths and weaknesses.
For example
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, Olympic champions are capable of being in a constant state of tension and comparing themselves with others. These character traits have been instilled in them since childhood.
However
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, these are the qualities of individualism
while
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 society is a group of
people
Use synonyms
. That’s why there should be leaders who compete with each other and teamworking
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have the qualities of a leader but they feel comfortable with group work. 
To sum up
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, in my opinion, challenging each other and putting
effort
Change preposition
in effort
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 are two great tasks which society should achieve together for the development of a comprehensive society.
People
Use synonyms
 should have an opportunity to express their leadership qualities and teamwork skills on different kinds of occasions.
Thus
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, the development of humanity will be diversified.

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring your ideas flow logically. Sometimes the transition between points can be smoother to enhance readability.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on certain points to provide a deeper understanding and stronger support for your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The response is complete and addresses both sides of the argument comprehensively.
task achievement
There are relevant examples provided to support your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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