Some people rely too much on doctors instead of taking care of their own health. What problems could this approach to healthcare cause and how might they be solved.?

#people #doctors #care #health #approach #healthcare

Certain

people

Add a verb

arepeople

werepeople

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sure that physicians can help them with any disease or well-being issue. Rather than learning things about a healthy lifestyle they used to solve problems by visiting doctors. In my ,opinion it could lead the medical system to unwanted consequences

such

as overloading it. Because of overstretching doctors may not be able to spend time with the patients who most need their help.

As a result

, some patients with serious diseases will not get treatment in time.

For example

, there is only one hospital in my town in which physicians work full worktime day, but due to high ,attendance it is not possible to examine all visitors. Owing to

this

situation

people

must go to another city where are easier to allot help. I believe that we can tackle

this

trouble in different ways.

Firstly

, society needs

Change the article

the

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education to help them take responsibility for their own strength,

Secondly

, if

people

visited their doctor more regularly, more health problems could be detected early and treated before they became serious.

Lastly

people

should be expected to pay to solve problems that they created through their own lifestyle choices.

Moreover

, the government must create a new system that will help to determine the condition of each person; it will be useful in order what patient doctors should examine earlier. To sum up, we all must be attentive concerning our well-being because it will affect us

firstly

. The population of each nation is growing by the day and authorities should include

this

factor when they make decisions.

Submitted by bogdanyarovy on Tue Jul 27 2021

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

255 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Dependency
Personal responsibility
Healthcare
Doctors
Over-reliance
Delayed diagnoses
Missed diagnoses
Excessive reliance
Medical procedures
Healthcare costs
Proactive steps
Education
Awareness programs
Primary healthcare services
Preventive healthcare
Chronic conditions
Collaborating
Personalized health plans
Self-care

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Some people rely too much on doctors instead of taking care of their own health. What problems could this approach to healthcare cause and how might they be solved.?

Fully explain your ideas

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