IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Because of the rising cost of housing, many young people are increasingly being forced to live with their parents into their 30s. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#cost #people #parents #trend
There are discussions
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 children should stay with their family for a long time or they should leave as soon as they grow up. Rents and house prices have
being
Change the verb form
been
show examples
 constantly increasing, which forces people in their 30’s to stay at their family homes for longer. In
this
 essay, I will discuss some advantages and drawbacks of
this
 situation and why, even though, there are pros and cons, in my opinion is more beneficial to stay at home until you become a full adult. Live with their
parents
 until a
grown up
Add a hyphen
grown-up
show examples
 age is not always the best option. People that stay at home for longer, usually lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
maturity. Some
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 might have difficulty
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
actually grow and assume
responsibilities
Correct article usage
the responsibilities
show examples
 of an adult because they were spoiled with mom’s food and tidying the house for them for too long. There is
also
 the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 privacy for
parents
 and children, which, living in the same household is something not always possible to get, especially, depending on how much the
parents
 want their kids to stay in their nest.
On the other hand
, it is possible to save a fair amount of money while you stay under their umbrella, and with that, is possible to build their own patrimony for the future which could not be done if there was the need of buying a house when someone has not worked for a period long enough to do so.
Thus
, there is
also
 a lower pressure of career
choosing
Replace the word
choice
show examples
, since there are no bills that need to be paid, neither the need of making money to sustain a family of their own. Despite that, is possible to learn many things from
parents
 from seeing how they live and what they do good to keep harmony and bring
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 to the world with a good character.
However
, there are some disadvantages, the benefits of staying in their parent’s home are enormous. In my opinion, people can stay
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
parents
 until they had fully grown as a person, and have the stability to build their own.
Submitted by luryann on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: