Some people think children should have mobile phones, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give opinion.
In
this
contemporary era, gadgets have become an indispensable part of people's lives. Some people believe that kids should be allowed with mobile phones
while
others oppose this
statement and argue that mobile phones
should not be prohibited. This
essay will focus on both viewpoints.
Mobile phones
have been playing a crucial role for children as they can take huge advantage of these appliances in their studies. They can search on Google for anything they want to know, even if it is related to their assignments. By using mobile phones
, they become updated with new information such
as News or research. Secondly
, mobiles provide a big platform for playing different games that sharpen their minds. They cross different levels of games which enhances their critical thinking skills.
For example
, in a research study, it has been proved that children who play puzzles are more active and think critically than children who do not indulge in these activities.
On the other hand
, it is not allowed to use these cell phones
as they become the victim of fraud on social media easily because they are less mature to understand fraud. Multiple fake accounts provide wrong information and seek their private information which then
bully and harass them. For example
, an article showed that 60 percent
of youngsters were being frauded by Facebook pages. Change the spelling
per cent
Secondly
, they are more prone to health issues related to eyesight. Moreover
, it restricts their activities and affects their mental health.
In conclusion, mobile phones
have both pros and cons; these provide unlimited sources to today's generation which is beneficial in academics as well as
gives updated knowledge. It is also
dangerous to make them the victims of untruthful websites which affects their mental development.Submitted by neetpunar on
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coherence cohesion
You should work on organizing your ideas more logically. While the essay presents a sequence, some connections between ideas could be clearer, which affects the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, but ensure that they are designed to clearly establish and summarize the argument, respectively.
coherence cohesion
While you have supported your main points, they could be strengthened with more detailed examples and further elaboration to deepen your argument.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, touching on both sides of the argument and giving a personal opinion, which is good. However, ensure that your opinion stands out with a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but they would be more comprehensive with improved transitions and clearer exposition to demonstrate how they connect to your overall stance.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is good, but these could be more effective if they were more directly connected to the points being argued, and perhaps more diversified to reflect a range of considerations.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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