IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that children no longer need to go to school since everything can be learned online. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #school
Nowadays, the era of
technology
 is developing rapidly. Everything can be applied to
technology
such
 as work, research, seminars, and especially learning.
Consequently
, some people say that children no longer need to go to
school
 since everything can be learned online. It's obvious that
this
also
 has profits and drawbacks. For the
first
 one, I'll talk about distance learning. It means people just stay at home and learn by electronic devices: computers, smartphones, or tablets. I cannot deny that it's more convenient for many
students
. Particular is the student who is far away. They do not need to pay for moving expenses, travel to
school
, and waste
time
 for that.
Besides
 that,
this
 promotes their self-study and have more
time
 to access
technology
 or the internet.
Nevertheless
, I suppose schoolers
also
 have to deal with the disadvantages side of online learning. Most of them must be in contact directly with devices for at least 1 hour, too much screen
time
 can affect their vision. Some would not have a healthy lifestyle. The teacher cannot control the works or the integrity of
students
 so that would affect their knowledge.
Furthermore
, they would not be able to broaden horizons or a good relationship between teachers with
students
 or each other,
thus
 these pupils may tend to be shy in social interaction. The
last
 one, children need to go to
school
. Myself, I am a student who has attended classes for over 9 years. From my point of view, study at
school
 certainly has a lot of advantages. The amount of knowledge that learners get from studying in
school
 and learning online is the same. But learning at
school
 can make interactions between teachers and
students
 or each other. Inquire from peers is a good way to improve self-study.
On the other hand
, scholars who attend
school
 may be an inconvenience in commuting. They have to pay a certain amount of money and waste
time
 on it. Having less access to
technology
 devices is
also
 a big disadvantage for pupils. To summarize, we should balance both. Personally, I believe children can study at
school
 with the help of
technology
.
This
 may help develop the good points and limit the bad points of both.
Submitted by nhatrangthanyeu2013 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: