Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree
In many parts of the world, there is a belief that
people
with a propensity to math and natural sciences are more appreciated than humanists(artistic people
). In my view, it is unfair to claim that the interests of the former ones are more important than the interests of the latter ones. However
, I partly agree since in the decade of technology scientific people
are needed, who were valuable even in the past. Although
, it does not mean that musicians
and artists are unimportant,
because listening to music and enjoying movies became everyone's daily routine and it has a great impact on Remove the comma
apply
people
's mental health.
First and foremost, scientists play the main role in modern achievements in almost every sphere, starting from the gadgets which are used constantly and ending with food, which is improved day
by day
. Without scientists people
wouldn’t experience a technology
breakthrough, thanks to them human beings enjoy using gadgets every single Replace the word
technological
day
. Moreover
, even the food people
consume is being modified by biologists and food experts. People
are used to seeing various snacks, products, vegetables or fruits on the marketplaces, not caring about the work made
by professionals to produce and deliver Verb problem
done
it
in Correct pronoun usage
them
a
great condition. Buying tropical fruits and finding snacks with the most unusual Correct article usage
apply
taste
won't surprise anyone nowadays.
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
On the other hand
, musicians
and artists also
have made a great impact on people
’s lives. No one can imagine their day
without listening to music, watching a movie or reading a book. According to
many studies, music makes people
happy and lessens the level of their stress as well as
reading a book or enjoying a film and pictures. In addition
, playing an instrument, reading books, painting and taking pictures is not as easy as it may seem. It increases the creativity of the child and develops many different skills. Thus
, it proves the importance of artistic people
and musicians
in the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
Overall
, thanks to scientists people
have made great progress in technology and can entertain themselves without leaving home but without musicians
and artists people
couldn’t enjoy their works and songs. Both types of people
are important for society and it's impossible to choose who is more valued in my opinion.Submitted by momokani on
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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that more directly states your position on the topic. This can enhance the clarity of your main argument.
task achievement
Try to add more specific and varied examples to support the points you make, especially in the second body paragraph. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing transitions between some of your ideas to ensure a smoother flow of information throughout the essay. This will improve the readability and coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively set the stage and summarize your arguments, respectively. This provides clear structure to your essay.
task achievement
Your main points are clearly related to the task prompt and you provide a balanced view, addressing both sides of the argument. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay covers relevant specific examples and ideas that support the main point, contributing to the overall cohesion and depth of your response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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