IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #music #culture #ages
Nowadays,
music
 has become a
language
 of communication and expressing emotions by
people
. It is believed by many that
music
 plays a significant role in minimising the gap between different communities and cultures. I strongly agree with
this
 point of view and in
this
 essay, I will support my opinion with examples. To start with,
music
 acts as a catalyst for cultural exchange and understanding among individuals from different cultural and religious backgrounds.
In other words
, sounds in a particular
language
 attract
people
 from other backgrounds to listen and understand which results in intercultural change among nations.
For example
, these days, individuals are heading towards different countries in search of better lifestyles and more employment opportunities.
As a result
, they connect with persons from different cultures and age groups which leads to multicultural society. Another worth considering factor is the power of
music
 to evoke emotions and expressions.
In addition
,
music
 is a way to express feelings which act like a universal
language
.
For instance
, Indians like listening to foreign
music
 and foreigners are attracted towards Indian tones, especially Punjabi tunes and they play these songs on some special occasions like weddings and birthdays to express their happiness.
Therefore
,
music
 helps to create a sense of unity and connection among individuals from different nations.
On the other hand
, it is believed by some
people
 that sometimes it becomes difficult to understand the meaning of lyrics in another
language
 because of the
language
 barrier and it creates differences and a sense of loneliness in persons living in a society.
To conclude
,
although
, it is a common belief that
music
 becomes a barrier among
people
 from different cultures and backgrounds, I believe
this
 is a great mode to connect
people
 all over the world and helps to adapt to a different country's culture and emotions easily.
Submitted by sainisonia422 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-linked and ideas flow naturally from one to the next. Some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, task response could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and a detailed discussion that deepens the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
What to do next:
Look at other essays: