IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#television #life #sense #community #people
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In
this
 today world, watching TV
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
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 is becoming a major threat to our family relations, rather than talking to our family or visiting people we just watch television.
However
, I totally agree with
this
 statement and in
this
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
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 I will be explaining how
this
 TV set can become a threat to our relations.
Firstly
, they will lack the sense of communicating with the community or
ur
Correct your spelling
our
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 household while viewing TV set.
For instance
, those folk who don't go out in the community
,
Remove the comma
apply
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will feel shy when they move out in society to talk to others. Sadly, they will lose their sense of communication over age,
Moreover
, they will
also
 find it very hard to even talk to their parents.
Therefore
, they should talk to their household
instead
 of spending hours in front of the television and they should
also
 go out to play with their friends outside,
this
 will directly boost their communication skills.
Secondly
, they will lack character development in them in
such
 a way that they won't know how to interact with the children, elders and teachers.
For example
, children of the same age group have different maturity levels in
such
 a way that despite, being of the same age they will not know how to tackle problems while it will be easy for others to do the same thing.
Therefore
 they should visit
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 and places while wasting hours in front of the station, they should
also
 explore new places and make more friends which will boost the development of their character. In conclusion, they should spend more time with friends and family
instead
 of on television and they should
also
 visit society outside and places nearby .
Submitted by hamzabeg021 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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