IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?

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It is true that society pays too much attention and
allocate
Correct subject-verb agreement
allocates
show examples
 too many resources to protect wild
animals
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view. There are some reasons why I think that the protection of wild
species
Use synonyms
 has attracted great public attention.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many non-governmental organizations are established to protect
animals
Use synonyms
 over the world.
However
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, they are too concerned about animal-related problems.
For example
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, these institutions accused famous singers of using wildlife
animals
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 in their music videos for commercial purposes,
while
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 they did not.
Secondly
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, news about animal-related problems can be spread widely on the Internet.
For instance
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, if a polar bear is imprisoned someplace,
this
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 news will be shared rapidly through social networking sites
such
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 as Facebook, Telegram, and Twitter.
In addition
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, people spend too much money on protecting animal
species
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. The most important thing is that a great deal of money is required to carry out projects aiming to save the DNA of
animals
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, which infrastructure and research are
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 expensive.
Moreover
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, authorities have created many national parks and natural reserves, where rare
species
Use synonyms
 have the freedom to roam, exhibit their behaviours, and breed.
Thus
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,
this
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 contributes to saving wildlife from extinction. Another thing is that governments should increase investment in key fields
such
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 as medicine, agriculture, and education.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they can allocate resources to improve the quality of life in some areas in the next years. In conclusion, I think that the public has spent too much concern and money protecting animal
species
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 modern world.

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coherence cohesion
The response demonstrates some organization and coherence, but it lacks consistency in the development of ideas. Topic development is somewhat unclear due to poor examples and irrelevant content. The introduction outlines the writer's opinion but lacks a clear statement of the main ideas that will be discussed in the body of the essay. The conclusion is brief and does not effectively summarize the main points.
task achievement
The writer has given an opinion but has not provided a clear position on the topic. There are some relevant points raised, but they are not well developed. The examples used are not entirely relevant to the point of view. Some ideas are not fully supported, and the response lacks depth in the treatment of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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