A large amount of advertisements nowadays are targeted at children. Many people say these have negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,
a great deal of
Change the quantifier
a lot of
many
plenty of
show examples
commercials
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
designed so as to influence
children
. while some people believe these
advertisements
should not be stopped, I personally think they had better be prohibited. The opponents of banning child-related
advertisements
, on the one hand, claim that
such
adverts can be potentially useful. They argue that these
commercials
could be informative for
children
.
In other words
, many companies use educational concepts to introduce their goods. By doing so, not only manufacturers benefit from
advertisements
, but
also
children
will learn essential basics. Take Oral-B company,
for example
, while it showcases its specific toothbrushes for
children
in TV
commercials
, it demonstrates the proper method of toothbrushing which can be of benefit for them.
Therefore
, child-targeted
advertisements
can have possible advantages. I,
on the other hand
, believe
such
advertisements
made for
children
is better to be ceased as it can have harmful consequences on their health.
That is
not to say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
all food products are unhealthy, but the majority of them advertised in any way
such
as chocolates, can have a serious adverse effect on a child’s well-being.
This
stem from the fact that there are many food manufacturers trying to address
children
to sell their products ranging from sugary drinks to fast food, leading to putting their future customers’ health at risk
such
as obesity.
For instance
, Coca-Cola recently has aimed at
children
in its
advertisements
, by incorporating a cartoon’s hero to draw their attention to its products.
Therefore
, many
advertisements
targeted at
children
can be harmful to them. In conclusion, while some people insist that
commercials
that address
children
should be allowed as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can have some merits, I personally think
such
adverts had better prevent as they can have substantial negative impacts on
children
physical health.
Submitted by Ashkan Mafi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: