Parents, usually mothers, give up the work, choose to stay home and look after the family. Some people think the government should give them a salary. Do you agree or disagree? Give the reasons from your knowledge and experience.

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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays

The compound Nowdays appears to be incorrect. Consider changing it to the closed compound nowadays.

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,
Women
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are more educated and
self independent
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self-independent

It appears that self independent is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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. They are working with the
Correct your spelling
men
men's
Correct your spelling
men
men's

The word mens is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

mens
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men
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in every field of
work
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and they are
also
Linking Words

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giving
shoulder
Add an article
a shoulder

The noun phrase shoulder seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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to shoulder competition to
mens
Correct your spelling
men

It appears that the noun mens is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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in every
shepre
Correct your spelling
share
shape

The word shepre is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

of
work
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and sports, but they are
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some female who give up their career and education for the upbringing of their children and to take care of their older family members. These
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

does
Change the verb form
do

The singular verb does does not appear to agree with the plural subject women. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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not earn any money and respect in the eye of society. They deserve to have
great
Change the article
a great

It appears that the phrase great deal may not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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deal of respect and
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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wealth for the
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

they have
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen

The word choosen is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

to do by staying at
home
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
To begin
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with, I would be like
point
Change preposition
to point

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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out that
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

either it is done by men at
office
Add an article
the office
an office

The noun phrase office seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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or by
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
Add an article
a woman
the woman

The noun phrase woman seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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at
home
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. They both will play an important role
for
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the function of
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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happy family.
Consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males

It seems that male may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females

It seems that female may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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are both
entilted
Correct your spelling
entitled

The word entilted is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

to have
salary
Add an article
a salary

The noun phrase salary seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a regular wage will
given
Change the verb form
be given

The verb given after the modal verb will does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense

The noun phrase sense seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of
acknowlgement
Correct your spelling
acknowledgement

The word acknowlgement is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

to
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, they will be more
indepenedent
Correct your spelling
independent

The word indepenedent is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

which will help to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise

The word rise doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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the
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence

It appears that self confidence is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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of the
women
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to that, Females will be able to explore more educational and vocational opportunities which will not
be even help
Change the verb form
even help

It appears that the form of the verb help does not work with be in this sentence.

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them but will
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

be beneficial for the upbringing of their children. 
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can provide financial support to
her
Correct pronoun usage
their

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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male partner if they are earning money by working at
home
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, men will
be not be
Change the verb form
not be

It appears that the form of the verb be does not work with be in this sentence.

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the solo
breadowner
Correct your spelling
breakdown
bread owner

The word breadowner is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

of the family.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the females who are working at
home
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and have no source of income,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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are suffering from more homicidal cases,
sucides
Correct your spelling
suicides
suicide

The word sucides is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

rate, physical and verbal abuse and murders as well. These stats are reaching up the hill due to
recent
Correct article usage
the recent

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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pandemic of covid, which
elaboatres
Correct your spelling
elaborates

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that financial burden can be the cause behind it. To put it in the nutshell, I would like to conclude that the government should provide monthly fund to
woman
Add an article
a woman
the woman

The noun phrase woman seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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who has decided to
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

at
home
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

it will not only support them
but
Remove the conjunction
apply

It appears that the word but is unnecessary in this sentence. Consider removing it.

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it will help to boost their moral support and will assist them to have
Add an article
an honorable
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Add an article
an honorable

The noun phrase honorable position seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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honorable
Change the spelling
honourable
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position at their houses.
Women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

empowerment can be
emphazised
Correct your spelling
emphasised

The word emphazised is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

by
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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these ways and domestic abuse can
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

reduced
Change the verb form
be reduced

The verb reduced after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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by these means.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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