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Band 5

Parents, usually mothers, give up the work, choose to stay home and look after the family. Some people think the government should give them a salary. Do you agree or disagree? Give the reasons from your knowledge and experience.

#parents #mothers #work #home #people #government #salary
Nowdays
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Nowadays
show examples
,
Women
 are more educated and
self independent
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self-independent
show examples
. They are working with the
Correct your spelling
men
men's
mens
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men
show examples
 in every field of
work
 and they are
also
 giving
shoulder
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a shoulder
show examples
 to shoulder competition to
mens
Correct your spelling
men
show examples
 in every
shepre
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share
shape
 of
work
 and sports, but they are
also
 some female who give up their career and education for the upbringing of their children and to take care of their older family members. These
women
does
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do
show examples
 not earn any money and respect in the eye of society. They deserve to have
great
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a great
show examples
 deal of respect and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealth for the
work
 they have
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 to do by staying at
home
.
To begin
 with, I would be like
point
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to point
show examples
 out that
work
 is
work
 either it is done by men at
office
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the office
an office
show examples
 or by
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a woman
the woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 at
home
. They both will play an important role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the function of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 happy family.
Consequently
,
male
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males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 are both
entilted
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entitled
 to have
salary
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a salary
show examples
.
Furthermore
, a regular wage will
given
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be given
show examples
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of
acknowlgement
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acknowledgement
 to
women
, they will be more
indepenedent
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independent
 which will help to
rise
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raise
show examples
 the
self confidence
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self-confidence
show examples
 of the
women
.
In addition
 to that, Females will be able to explore more educational and vocational opportunities which will not
be even help
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even help
show examples
 them but will
also
 be beneficial for the upbringing of their children. 
Secondly
, the
women
 can provide financial support to
her
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their
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 male partner if they are earning money by working at
home
, men will
be not be
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not be
show examples
 the solo
breadowner
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breakdown
bread owner
 of the family.
Moreover
, the females who are working at
home
 and have no source of income,
they
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apply
show examples
are suffering from more homicidal cases,
sucides
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suicides
suicide
 rate, physical and verbal abuse and murders as well. These stats are reaching up the hill due to
recent
Correct article usage
the recent
show examples
 pandemic of covid, which
elaboatres
Correct your spelling
elaborates
 that financial burden can be the cause behind it. To put it in the nutshell, I would like to conclude that the government should provide monthly fund to
woman
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
 who has decided to
work
 at
home
.
Although
 it will not only support them
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it will help to boost their moral support and will assist them to have
Add an article
an honorable
show examples
honorable
Change the spelling
honourable
show examples
 position at their houses.
Women
 empowerment can be
emphazised
Correct your spelling
emphasised
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these ways and domestic abuse can
also
reduced
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be reduced
show examples
 by these means.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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