IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Essay Topic: Some people think that giving money as gift to teenagers is good while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#topic #people #money #gift #teenagers
Many human
being
Change to a plural noun
beings
show examples
 have believed that monetization
instead
 of offering special
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 to
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
generation
 is affirmative while some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 do not agree with it. In my opinion, there are a lot of points to consider for both sides.
Firstly
,
to begin
 with,
penny
Add an article
a penny
the penny
show examples
 is interesting and most of us would
also
wanted
Change the verb form
want
be wanted
show examples
 to
have
Correct pronoun usage
ithave
show examples
.
However
, it could be used to buy the things you want most especially
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 special occasions like
birthday
Fix the agreement mistake
birthdays
show examples
,
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
,
anniversary
Fix the agreement mistake
anniversaries
show examples
 and Christmas
holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
holidays
show examples
. It gives you
option
Change the article
the option
show examples
 to have things you really like.
Consequently
, money could be a threat to
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
generation
 because they might buy unnecessary things that could harm them.
Also
, if a gift will be monetized, they will forget the true value of
gift giving
Add a hyphen
gift-giving
show examples
 that it should be treasured and should be kept in
safest
Add an article
the safest
show examples
 place.
Moreover
, whenever you see the special thing that someone
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gave you it will give the flashback of the memories you had spent
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 time ago of a certain celebration. Particularly, it could
also
 be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 heirloom someday you could give to the
next
generation
. To conclude, giving money to young teens is good as long as you teach them to spend it wisely.
Furthermore
, we should
also
 consider the value of
gift giving
Add a hyphen
gift-giving
show examples
 and it should be taught to
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
 so that they could feel the essence of accepting gifts from someone they love.
Submitted by reyvillaber on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: