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Writing Samples
Band 4

Essay Topic: Some people think that giving money as gift to teenagers is good while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#topic #people #money #gift #teenagers
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Many human
being
Change to a plural noun
beings
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 have believed that monetization
instead
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 of offering special
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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 to
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
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generation
Use synonyms
 is affirmative while some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
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 do not agree with it. In my opinion, there are a lot of points to consider for both sides.
Firstly
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,
to begin
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 with,
penny
Add an article
a penny
the penny
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 is interesting and most of us would
also
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wanted
Change the verb form
want
be wanted
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 to
have
Correct pronoun usage
ithave
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.
However
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, it could be used to buy the things you want most especially
in
Change preposition
on
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 special occasions like
birthday
Fix the agreement mistake
birthdays
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,
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
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,
anniversary
Fix the agreement mistake
anniversaries
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 and Christmas
holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
holidays
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. It gives you
option
Change the article
the option
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 to have things you really like.
Consequently
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, money could be a threat to
younger
Add an article
the younger
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generation
Use synonyms
 because they might buy unnecessary things that could harm them.
Also
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, if a gift will be monetized, they will forget the true value of
gift giving
Add a hyphen
gift-giving
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 that it should be treasured and should be kept in
safest
Add an article
the safest
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 place.
Moreover
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, whenever you see the special thing that someone
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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gave you it will give the flashback of the memories you had spent
long
Add an article
a long
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 time ago of a certain celebration. Particularly, it could
also
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 be
a
Change the article
an
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 heirloom someday you could give to the
next
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generation
Use synonyms
. To conclude, giving money to young teens is good as long as you teach them to spend it wisely.
Furthermore
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, we should
also
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 consider the value of
gift giving
Add a hyphen
gift-giving
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 and it should be taught to
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation
Use synonyms
 so that they could feel the essence of accepting gifts from someone they love.
Submitted by reyvillaber on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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