Nowadays young people increasingly admire media persons and sports stars even though they don't set a good example. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #media #persons #sports #stars #development

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sport

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sports

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stars and celebrities are being admired by the younger generations despite setting a bad

model

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models

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. It should be seen as a negative development owing to

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

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unfavourable educational effects on teenagers.

First

Linking Words

and foremost, the majority of the superstars are popular among teenagers, so that they tend to mimic their behaviours and habits even though they represent some bad manners.

Celebrities

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For celebrities

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who smoke,

for example

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, many of their fans and followers simulate their actions, which would have detrimental effects on the health condition without realising.

Thus

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, teenagers should choose wisely

who

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whom

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to admire and look up to.

Furthermore

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, younger people will not focus on their education and studies as they would rather be a musician or an actor.

As a result

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, weakened societies would be built. If,

for instance

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, every student wants to be a football player or a singer,

then

Linking Words

there would be a huge lack of useful professions

such

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as doctors, lawyers and Engineers, indirectly affecting the nation's economic status and power.

That is

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why,

government

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the government

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should

also

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treat scientists and professors the same way as celebrities in order to be a good example for the younger generations;

consequently

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, simulating them and benefiting their countries. In conclusion, despite expressing a negative example for younger generations, well-known people are increasingly being admired by them. I think that they have a huge deteriorating effect on society and individuals.

Submitted by faradienaf on Fri Aug 06 2021

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

229 words

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Nowadays young people increasingly admire media persons and sports stars even though they don't set a good example. Is it a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that what individuals do to protect cannot make difference, others say that individuals can protect environment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication such as letters,emails, or telephone calls. How far you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people say advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people dissatisfed with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.