Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #access #people’s #phone #records #messages #safety #information #permission

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Some people believe that government access to phone call records and messages will contribute to safety and

security

Use synonyms

However

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this

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also

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poses a risk of breaching the personal life and liberty of the public, which would be unconstitutional and dangerous.

This

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essay will

further

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provide reasons to support both sides and will offer an opinion

at the end

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. The government is responsible for the safety and

security

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of the people within its jurisdiction and to uphold

this

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, they may practice

security

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measures that involve breaching personal data. The state might need

such

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information to maintain national sovereignty or when there is a national threat.

For example

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, Israel developed software named "Pegasus" that can be used to extract personal information and is used by the state to remove threats within the country or at the international level.

On the other hand

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, people

also

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have the right to life, which is a constitutional right stating that their personal data cannot be used by the country in any form unless there is a

security

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issue. The power should not be absolute as it could be used negatively, with state officials potentially using it to suppress opposition and remain in power.

For example

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, in India, some opposition leaders alleged that their phones were hacked by the government and were warned by Apple about

this

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. In my opinion, there should be a limit to the extraction of mobile phone data and it should not be used as a method to control the public.

To conclude

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, it should be kept in mind by the departments that practice

such

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methods that they should only be used to uphold the sovereignty of the country and not for personal gain by any political party in power.

Submitted by mannadarshpal13 on Thu Jun 20 2024

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task achievement

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, but examples provided can be more specific and varied to strengthen the arguments. For instance, using examples from different countries or different scenarios could make a more compelling case.

coherence cohesion

While the introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, the main body paragraphs could use more structured linking phrases to improve coherence and make the essay flow more smoothly. Consider using more signposting language like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition to,' to help guide the reader through the argument.

coherence cohesion

There was some repetition of ideas. Try to present unique arguments in each paragraph and avoid repeating points already mentioned. For example, the point about opposition leaders should be elaborated upon once and then different aspects or examples could be explored.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence summarizing the main point of that paragraph. This will make your points clearer and easier to follow for the reader.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction and conclusion are strong and effectively frame the essay. They clearly state the central issue and summarize the arguments presented.

task achievement

The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a personal opinion.

supported main points

Relevant examples are used to support the main points, making the arguments stronger and more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

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Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living What is your opinion about this? What other time in history would be interesting to live in?

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction? * Social media networks = messaging and information exchange systems such as Facebook and Twitter.