Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Some people believe that government access to phone call records and messages will contribute to safety and
security
. However
, this
also
poses a risk of breaching the personal life and liberty of the public, which would be unconstitutional and dangerous. This
essay will further
provide reasons to support both sides and will offer an opinion at the end
.
The government is responsible for the safety and security
of the people within its jurisdiction and to uphold this
, they may practice security
measures that involve breaching personal data. The state might need such
information to maintain national sovereignty or when there is a national threat. For example
, Israel developed software named "Pegasus" that can be used to extract personal information and is used by the state to remove threats within the country or at the international level.
On the other hand
, people also
have the right to life, which is a constitutional right stating that their personal data cannot be used by the country in any form unless there is a security
issue. The power should not be absolute as it could be used negatively, with state officials potentially using it to suppress opposition and remain in power. For example
, in India, some opposition leaders alleged that their phones were hacked by the government and were warned by Apple about this
. In my opinion, there should be a limit to the extraction of mobile phone data and it should not be used as a method to control the public.
To conclude
, it should be kept in mind by the departments that practice such
methods that they should only be used to uphold the sovereignty of the country and not for personal gain by any political party in power.Submitted by mannadarshpal13 on
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task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, but examples provided can be more specific and varied to strengthen the arguments. For instance, using examples from different countries or different scenarios could make a more compelling case.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, the main body paragraphs could use more structured linking phrases to improve coherence and make the essay flow more smoothly. Consider using more signposting language like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition to,' to help guide the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
There was some repetition of ideas. Try to present unique arguments in each paragraph and avoid repeating points already mentioned. For example, the point about opposition leaders should be elaborated upon once and then different aspects or examples could be explored.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence summarizing the main point of that paragraph. This will make your points clearer and easier to follow for the reader.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are strong and effectively frame the essay. They clearly state the central issue and summarize the arguments presented.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a personal opinion.
supported main points
Relevant examples are used to support the main points, making the arguments stronger and more convincing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?