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Band 5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
Workers
 need to have more days on
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
, meaning that
this
 will make the weekdays shorter. I agree with
this
 opinion, because having more holidays on
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
 make the
workers
 fresher and more productive.
Besides
 that, some
workers
 can learn a new
skill
 to help them in their jobs. Refreshing is the process
to remove
Change preposition
of removing
show examples
 the feeling of bored by doing hobbies.
This
 is very important for
workers
 to improve their productivity.
Some times
Correct your spelling
Sometimes
show examples
, doing a repetitive activity will make us feel bored and result in a decline
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 work quality.
By doing
Change preposition
Doing
show examples
 the hobbies which are rarely done can improve the moods of
workers
.
For example
,
workers
 can not play a game on the weekdays because of their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will make them feel bored.
That is
 why they can only play games on weekends to increase their moods.
Workers
 who have good moods may be able to obtain a good work result. The other benefit of having more weekends is the
workers
 can learn new skills. It can be a soft
skill
 or a hard
skill
, both are important. Learning a soft
skill
 can increase their social
skill
,
such
 as communication.
Workers
 who have good communication can cooperate well with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.
Similarly
, hard
skill
 can
also
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers
 to make their jobs easier.
For example
,
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
IT skills can automate a simple repetitive job, so that the
workers
 can focus on other jobs. In conclusion, having more holidays on
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
show examples
 can increase the work quality. It can be from the mental side by refreshing or the
skill
 side by learning something new.
Submitted by ivannizar on

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task achievement
Ensure there is a clear thesis statement in the introduction that reflects your opinion more explicitly. For instance, 'I firmly agree with the idea that a shorter working week and longer weekends would benefit workers.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention particular industries or roles where a longer weekend would be especially beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Although you have outlined your points well, try to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Linking sentences at the beginning and end of paragraphs can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Vary sentence structures to make the essay more engaging. Using a mix of short and complex sentences can improve readability.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly organized your essay into paragraphs with distinct ideas, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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