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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today foods travel thousands of miles from the farm to the consumers. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative trend?

#foods #travel #thousands #miles #farm #consumers #trend
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With the advent of technology, people the world over are enjoying
products
, not produced or manufactured in their homeland.
Consequently
, in
this
 day and age,
foods
 and beverages are exported from one part of the earth to the other in order to satisfy customers’ demands and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
. I wholeheartedly deem that travelling foodstuffs thousands of miles from the agricultural land the consumers living in other countries is indubitably a positive development. Inasmuch as all
products
 are not available in every country
down
Change preposition
due
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 to poor economic or weather conditions, it is inevitable to trade those things between countries, having surplus and deficit so as to meet the hidden demand of some people
as well as
 earn money from trading.
In other words
, when consumers see different types of
foods
 on TV or social networking sites that are uncommon to them, they build a desire to taste those. Insofar as nowadays it is possible to export things easily by different media,
such
 as ship, air and suchlike, nations producing goods are sending to other states want to import and meet the wishes of their citizens. To cite an example, an empirical study conducted by Oxford University reveals that 80% of trade occurs in
this
 world occurs down to having demand to taste
foods
 of a foreign country.
Therefore
 foodstuffs travel millions of miles from farms to consumers.
This
 type of trading surely has many considerable benefits in an economy in that many country’s excess
foods
 are getting the right values. To be more precise, if states have a
large
Correct word choice
larger
show examples
 number of
products
 than their internal need and do not have opportunities to export those
products
, their farmers have to bear huge losses, causing an economic downturn
also
. To exemplify, in 2009, Indian farmers damaged their potatoes because they could not sell
those
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to any buyers, which generated a huge amount of financial loss.
Hence
, trading among countries is assuredly beneficial. In conclusion, much as there exists demand to consume
foods
 producing another country, exporters send their things to other nations with a view to earning money
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a positive development.
Submitted by shawlin90 on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic effectively and presents a clear argument in favor of the positive trend of food traveling long distances. The examples provided support the main points well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The transition between paragraphs is smooth, enhancing the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task response
Clear argument supporting the positive trend of long-distance food travels
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured essay with smooth transitions between paragraphs

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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