IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

#competition #university #development
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Although
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, competitions are improving
day
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 by
day
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 , some
students
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 do not try to get
university
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 with their own knowledge. In my point of view,
competition
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 is very perfect idea for
students
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 and development which
people
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 can enter to
university
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 with their own knowledge. So many
people
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 go to educational centre they learn what
people
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 need subjects for getting
university
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.
Students
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 try harder compared to before . It is pross sides for development.
Such
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 as : every year more
people
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 apply to
university
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 so person has got a
competition
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 with each other. Many
people
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 enter the
university
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 in comparison with before. Because of before
students
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 do not have examinations with each other and they do not try to getting
university
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. So it is good opinion and it is effective for
people
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's goal.
On the other hand
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, that
competition
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 effects badly to student's brain wave . Because of they think in that examination more and more
people
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 attend. So
people
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's opinion we can not enter the
university
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. It is worst for
students
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 mood. Afterwards, that thing increases
people
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's fears every
day
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.
Such
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 as: as that student lost of own and their interests decrease
day
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 by
day
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. They should changing the mindset and they should lost fear . They are cons sides of
competition
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 for
people
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 and development. Especially coruption effects really badly to brain and mood . Because of many
people
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 have entered by money without exams for 2years . It was developed in my country.
Although
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, it effects badly to
people
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's brain and mood. Many
students
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 try to enter to
university
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 and they try to take a higher point . It is very positive sides.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, including an introduction and conclusion. This will enhance the logical flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
content
Ensure each main idea is developed and explained clearly with relevant examples. This makes your points more persuasive and shows depth of thought.
language
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence. Avoid run-on sentences and make sure each sentence conveys a clear idea.
language
Try to minimize grammatical errors and improve vocabulary usage. This can help in conveying your ideas more effectively and make your essay more professional.
content
You have attempted to address both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
content
Your essay shows that you have a clear understanding of the topic and you have highlighted some important points regarding competition for university entry.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
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