IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that a sense of competition should be encouraged in children. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
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Competition
Use synonyms
 makes people more efficient in terms of memorizing things, rather
understanding
Change preposition
than understanding
show examples
 them properly,
however
Linking Words
 pleasing
children
Use synonyms
 to co-operate in being
mennerfully
Correct your spelling
manner fully
 can generate a
sense
Use synonyms
 of responsibility in them. Here we discuss both views and at the
end
Add a comma
,end
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 I will give my opinion. There is no question about a
sense
Use synonyms
 of
competition
Use synonyms
 makes people more efficient in terms of any subject to expertise and there are multiple benefits of
competition
Use synonyms
 that can increase
persons
Change the noun form
person
show examples
 capabilities.
Such
Linking Words
 as athletes, we can see
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in Olympics we witnessed some of the great athletes of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history. Behind any
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
persons
Change the noun form
person
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success
Add a comma
,success
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 there was a master
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 guides, motivates and grooms that athlete. If
athlete
Add an article
the athlete
an athlete
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 had been through proper grooming and
Add a missing verb
is well
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well
Correct your spelling
well-practised
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practiced
Change the spelling
practised
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 he or she can achieve great lengths and win a medal. We are witnessing nowadays some very basic benefits of
competition
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as in markets as consumers we saw a variety of options for the same thing. Good
competition
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organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
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 upgrading themselves day by day and consumers are benefiting from it.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 if we insist
children
Use synonyms
 and groom in
such
Linking Words
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
 it can be
life changing
Add a hyphen
life-changing
show examples
 for them. Insisting
children
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
behave in a manner create a
sense
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 of responsibility by which they can better understand their own flaws and strengths. Banda standing better on flaws
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be a better judge of their own actions. By
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
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 a
sense
Use synonyms
 of responsibility towards the environment is being generated in
children
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 if we groom a child
well developed
Add a hyphen
well-developed
show examples
 thoughts and responsibly we can turn into
a tremendous entrepreneurs
Correct the article-noun agreement
tremendous entrepreneurs
a tremendous entrepreneur
show examples
 with great ideas
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
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 beneficial for
humans
Correct quantifier usage
both humans
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 and nature both. All in all
in my opinion
Add the comma(s)
, in my opinion,
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 I would like to agree with the idea of letting
children
Use synonyms
 use their own imagination to create
Add an article
a decision
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 for themselves
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
 them into
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 rather than winning a
competition
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by bhumisharma780 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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