IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Stress-related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#illnesses
Nowadays, a concerning number of
people
 are manifesting illnesses
as a result
 of
stress
.
This
essay
 will discuss two leading causes of
stress
-related sicknesses, including longer working hours and increased job pressure.
This
essay
 will
also
 suggest solutions to these problems, including positive changes within the
work
 system and an improved
work
-life balance.
People
work
 more than ever before; they
also
 receive constant pressure from society to do more and be more. Because of increasing workforce demand, shifts now
last
 for an average of 8 hours per day, six days a week, leaving
such
 a limited chance to build a healthy and satisfying life.
Furthermore
, the medium social status has become higher, as living costs more, forcing
people
 to sacrifice their private life for the sake of success.
As a result
, a shared sense of ailment and
stress
 comes into existence, pushing individuals to overwork themselves at the expense of their health only to reach a higher social status. Maintaining a good
work
-life balance is crucial to avoid
stress
 burnout.
Additionally
, I suggest creating a better environment for all workers, with shorter working hours, and switching to a short-week system. Giving
people
 more time to spend unwinding or closed ones can preserve their mental and physical wellness and boost their motive. In some developed countries, like Japan,
for instance
, the Microsoft corporation reduced the business week to just four days, allowing employees a whole weekend break. Surprisingly, their productivity increased by 29.9 % in one month. More
people
 need to understand that social affirmation is not everything, and more important, it is not worth their well-being.
Therefore
, to reduce
stress
 issues, one must include a better
work
, rest, and recreation ratio. In conclusion, in today's fast-paced society, more and more
people
 suffer from
stress
-related sicknesses.
This
essay
 discussed how increased workforce demand and exhausting shifts often lead to overworking and
stress
 issues.
This
essay
also
 suggested that an improved workplace and a better distribution of
work
 during the week can prevent
people
 from getting sick because of a stressful routine.
Submitted by ylyneko1998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stress-related illnesses
  • hypertension
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • modern lifestyle
  • work pressure
  • technological advancements
  • social pressures
  • material wealth
  • work-life balance
  • mindfulness
  • meditation
  • stress management
  • flexible working hours
  • telecommuting
  • mandatory vacation
  • educational programs
  • mental health
  • supportive work environment
  • counseling services
What to do next:
Look at other essays: