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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the experience children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

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A few individuals think that the experiences teenagers have in their early years
,
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 before they even start school, play the most important role in shaping their future. Others argue that the experiences gained during the
teenag
Correct your spelling
teenage
 era have a bigger impact.
This
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 essay will analyse
both
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 perspectives before presenting my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, childhood is a special
period
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 for building memories, and during
this
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 stage, kids often experience rapid emotional and social changes. The environment where a young person grows up, the lessons learned from parents and the essential abilities they gain can strongly influence their
life
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 ahead.
For example
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, there is a film called The Pursuit of Happyness, which highlights a lot of problems that the parent coped with, despite the fact that he was with a small 5-year-old child, who
also
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 learned a lot thanks to
this
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.
On the other hand
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, adolescence is
also
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 a critical
period
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 as it signifies the transition from the early stage of
life
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 to adulthood. During
this
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period
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 of
life
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,adolescents usually start to form their identity and make crucial choices,
such
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 as selecting a career or profession, which can greatly influence their
life
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 ahead.
This
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period
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 is
also
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 characterized by increased independence and a stronger sense of self.
For instance
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,
interview
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an interview
the interview
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 which was taken from one of the most successful psychologists Piaget Jean has shown that 80% of juveniles used to learn the majority of their abilities in
this
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period
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. In conclusion,
both
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 early years and adolescent experiences are crucial in shaping a person's development,because
both
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 of them are the main part of our lives.In my opinion,
both
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 of these factors have their own merits, but in adolescence, you can quickly grasp and understand everything, as age
will allow
Wrong verb form
allows
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 it.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of that paragraph. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples or data to support your arguments. The examples provided, such as the film and the interview, could be more effectively integrated or elaborated upon to strengthen your points.
Lexical Resource
Vary your sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance the clarity and engagement of your writing. This will also help you achieve a higher score in lexical resource.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both perspectives before stating your own opinion, which demonstrates good awareness of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and states the aim of the essay, which is important for engaging the reader.
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