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Writing Samples
Band 6

The two pie charts below show changes in world population by region between 1910 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show changes in world population by region between 1910 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #show #changes #world #population #region #information #features #comparisons
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The Given two pie chart
represent
Change the verb form
represents
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 the development in
world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 by parts under a spam time of 100 years
Overall
Linking Words
, can see that the Asian
region
Use synonyms
 and Europe
region
Use synonyms
 saw a decrease
whereas
Linking Words
 the other parts of the
world
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 are almost increasing. In 1910, the
asian
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Asian
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region
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 hold the majority of
Add an article
the
show examples
world
Use synonyms
population
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 at a figure of 60% but it saw a decrease in 2010
at
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 percentage of 54%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 in number on
Use synonyms
population
Add a comma
,population
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asia
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Asia
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 is expanding rapidly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Europe
also
Linking Words
 saw a drop in the percentage from 1910 to 2010 at 25% and 14% respectively
as well as
Linking Words
 it is
also
Linking Words
 expanding in
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of its
population
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. In comparison to the other regions of the
world
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 which are North
America
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, Africa,
latin
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Latin
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America
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 and
other's
Fix the agreement mistake
others's
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 stood at the range of 5%, 4%,3% and 3% in 1910
whereas
Linking Words
 by 2010 many regions grew up which are Africa and
latin
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Latin
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America
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 at 10% and 8%
respectionely
Correct your spelling
respectively
 at the same time some
region
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 have the same percentage as they have in 1910 are North
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america
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America
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 and others.
Athrough
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Although
A through
 we can see the addition of one
region
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 by 2010 which is
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
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 east and north
africa
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Africa
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 at 6% and the total
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 from 1910-2010
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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raised
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1700 million to 6 Billion.
Submitted by a.sanchit17 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words world, population, region, america with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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