IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is too expensive to look after and repair old building .Tho money should spend on building new modern buildings instead .To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#repair #tho #money #buildings
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People argue that money should be spent on constructing modern
buildings
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instead
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 of taking care of and mending old
buildings
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 since it is not economical. I completely disagree with
this
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 opinion because of the sustainability and tourism revenue. The first reason for keeping the old
buildings
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 and rather fixing them than building the new ones is
due to
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 the environmental impacts. Constructing new
buildings
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 requires a high need for new materials;
however
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, renovating old ones can be more environmentally friendly compared to new constructions, in
this
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 way, it helps to reduce the manufacture of building materials that contribute significantly to global warming.
According to
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 many statistics, the construction industry accounts for a large proportion of carbon emissions that are really harmful to the living environment. Limiting the number of new building constructions can reduce the detrimental impacts on our environment. Another key reason is looking after the old
buildings
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 can help to increase the revenue of a city's tourism.
This
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 is because older
buildings
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 often feature unique architectural styles and craftsmanship that may be lost with modern constructions. Restored old
buildings
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 can attract tourists, providing economic benefits that can outweigh the initial restoration costs.
For example
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, in an ancient city called Hoi An in Vietnam, a lot of tourists are attracted by a wide range of ancient houses along the riverbank with a scenic view.
This
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 offers the city a great amount of revenue annually just because of the old building restorations. In conclusion,
while
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 initial restoration costs cannot be economical, the long-term effects of fixing the old
buildings
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 are of more significance than building new
buildings
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 since it can help to reduce environmental impacts
as well as
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 attract more tourists.
Submitted by kelsey.aston.aie on

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coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clear and present, you could further enhance the logical structure by ensuring smoother transitions between points and paragraphs.
task achievement
Some points in the essay could benefit from additional elaboration to further strengthen the task achievement. Consider expanding on ideas to provide a deeper discussion.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task and addresses the key points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are clearly articulated and provide a solid framework for the essay.
task achievement
Examples used in the essay, such as the reference to Hoi An, Vietnam, are relevant and help illustrate the points being made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical significance
  • cultural heritage
  • renovation
  • restoration
  • architectural value
  • environmentally friendly
  • community identity
  • cost efficiency
  • sustainable development
  • unique character
  • sense of place
  • long-term maintenance
  • modern construction
  • initial costs
  • economic benefits
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