The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that thebest way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, the increasing number of obese population is really putting some pressure on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.

However

, some of them think that

this

problem can be easily tackled by the introduction of health lessons in the school curriculum, I disagree with

this

thought.

Firstly

, there are a lot of sugar products and junk food easily available at arm's stretch at a very affordable price. The government should increase the price of these non-healthy products and reduce the prices of healthy products

such

as salads, proteins, fruits and vegetables in order to encourage

people

towards a healthy lifestyle.

People

should get more access to healthy food at an affordable price.

On the other hand

, there are a lot of schools where the students have a provision of physical education as a subject in their curriculum perhaps not many of them take it seriously as it is considered to be a fun lecture for the young minds who do not understand the logic and motive behind the subject. I believe the enlightenment of knowledge starts at home, school and the company

people

keep. The government must conduct events for health awareness at schools, community centres, etc. to educate not only young

people

but

also

adults about leading a healthy lifestyle.

Therefore

, in conclusion, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of obese

people

and it is indeed putting a lot of strain on the healthcare system but I do not completely agree that introducing more physical education lessons in school will solve

this

issue.

Submitted by ruchishah0 on Wed Jun 05 2024

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task achievement

While your essay addresses the prompt and offers a clear stance, it could benefit from a deeper exploration of your points. For example, providing more specific examples and expanding on how these solutions will directly impact behavior could add weight to your arguments.

coherence cohesion

The essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some ideas could be better connected and elaborated upon. For instance, the relationship between the pricing of healthy vs. unhealthy foods and obesity could be more explicitly linked.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your stance, providing a good framework for your discussion.

task achievement

Your essay presents relevant ideas and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic by addressing multiple aspects of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

7.5

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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