IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, an increase in crime has be blamed on violent images on television and in computer games. To what extend do you agree

#countries #crime #images #television #computer #games
In the
last
 decade or so, we have seen an alarming rise in crimes throughout different nations. A lot of people believe that aggressive computer
games
 and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 shows contribute to an increase in rates of crimes., I strongly support
this
 viewpoint as, it causes behavioural and psychological changes in many people, mostly youngsters. Video
games
 play an important role in increasing violent behaviours. A victim of these
games
 are usually young children, who spend their
out of school
Add a hyphen
out-of-school
show examples
 time on
this
 which in turn has a negative impact on their behaviour.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 a survey conducted in the Maldives in 2019, after the release of
call
Capitalize word
Call
show examples
 of
duty
Capitalize word
Duty
show examples
 shows that there has been an increasing number of bullying and aggressive
behaviour
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviours
show examples
 at school in the past few years..surely because they copy what they see on television which contributes to these changes.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 the new trend in television series,
violent
Correct article usage
the violent
show examples
 crime genre has
also
 caused mental and psychological changes in adults as well. A lot of t images are shared on social media and many folk are desensitised
due to
this
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 it’s reported that after the introduction of
television
Correct article usage
the television
show examples
 series
money heist
Correct your spelling
Money Heist
show examples
, there has been an increased number of reported break-ins. To summarise , above mentioned are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 examples of negative impacts on the population
due to
 violent images and
games
.
Hence
 in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 since many
such
 programmes and
games
 are made to profit the respected companies and corporations, it comes with a cost,
that is
 the cost of mental health of the community.
Submitted by f.lamiea on

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Task Response
Ensure to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement in the prompt. Make your stance clear throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Work on linking your ideas within paragraphs to improve cohesion further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • correlation
  • aggressive behavior
  • desensitization
  • copycat effect
  • media literacy
  • violent imagery
  • scapegoat
  • media consumption
  • psychological impact
  • content rating
  • parental supervision
  • media influence
  • computer games
  • behavioral studies
  • socio-economic factors
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